Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Most hilarious of all is that most of the stories come from the online dating sphere which adds a certain unexpected element...

Monday, December 13, 2010

The New Job

I've been at the new job almost 2 weeks.  It's been going...the learning curve is big and I'm struggling a bit.  As for my Mr. Big aka the Colonel, he has fallen off the grid.  It was to be expected though, but I HATE it!  I hate being rejected--don't we all....

He's not returning phone calls or emails at this point, my favorite, Radio Silence.  As a certain college roomie stated when I told her about Mr. Big-the return, he was totally unavailable back then and likely would be again.  And.....she was right again.  Hate it when that happens.  Why couldn't we just have had a wham, bam, thank you ma'am and he not mention all the lovey dovey crap?  One nighters, while not ideal, can work for me.  What can I say--it had been a while.  Just need to have that expectation out right...Boo.

What makes it more challenging is that Mr. Big involved the whole family--well not entire--only mom, dad, 2 sisters, and me.  There are a total of 6 brothers and sisters including me.  Still, it's a third and I know I'll be getting some pointed questions come Christmas time.  Annoying.

Not remembering all that lovey crap I wrote a week ago...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Old Loves

As you might have noticed, I have been MIA for the past few weeks.  Granted, I had a good date a few weeks ago...that of course, went no where because of my shenanigans in the cars aka I am white trash....

However, I have great news!  I have a new JOB!  For those that have known me for several years, you know that this has been a long time coming.  I have a new position in International Marketing and my market is China!  All those years and money are starting to pay off!  Finally! ~ YIPPEE!!

Back on topic, this past Thanksgiving, I saw a past boyfriend/love/someone I've had a thing with for as long as I can remember in adulthood.  We dated when I was 24 and he was 44.  Obviously now, I am 30 and he is 50.  We have remained friends over the years and attend the same function each Thanksgiving.  In fact, he's had Thanksgiving dinner with my family and I for several years.  So he's "in" so to speak.  Mom and Dad know him and love him though they are a bit concerned on how much we pick.  And I mean tease each other.    This past weekend seemed (at least to me) to be different.  We were kinder, more loving, and had more serious talks about the future.  Now, my college roommate will poignantly point out he would not commit exclusively 6 years ago and that was part of the reason we didn't last.  And maybe it felt different this year as I am in a different place:  I have a new place (out of the farm house FINALLY~hell yeah!); I have a big girl job FINALLY(~hell to the f*** yeah!); and I am actually ready to settle down and think about (ummmm..yes...) a husband, family, and children.  Did I write that...yes, I really feel that way.

On some level, he is my version of a knight in shining armor...he is decorated in the military and of rank, he comes from the right family, he has the same goals and aspirations, we like the same things...and while going down a check list so to speak, he makes me laugh and makes me feel special and beautiful and all those tingly things...yes, he is significantly older but honestly, I like that.  He feels 100% MAN.  There is no boy.  That's nice--more than nice and makes me feel safe and cared for.

So even if I was just living the fairy tale week of my life another year with my knight, it was so well worth it.  I just need to remember this if I get rejected again and I sure hope that is not the case.  I hope it ends with roses, bells, and rings.

Who is this writing....I'm not sure it's myself...but HELL YEA I got the job and the place even if I don't get the man!

Friday, November 12, 2010

I had a great date and....might be white trash

Last night, I went out with Mr. Man.  We met at a small pub that was semi-crowded and we talked and talked.  He's a native Charlottean (big points), is handy and can build things (love this), drives a truck (yes, I'm shallow but I love a big truck), and can carry on an intelligent conversation.  He lived in San Fran for a while and decided to come home because he missed his family and good old fashioned Southern hospitality.  This strikes a serious chord with me.  It is so nice to not have to explain why NC is wonderful and why I love it here.  It's also super to not be considered a hick and backward for feeling that way.

Part of what made the conversation interesting was that he was interesting.  His life has definitely not been a linear, ordinary series of steps.  There have been several curve balls thrown into the mix.  He didn't go to college right after high school and in the process got a girl pregnant.  So, he has a 15 year old son.  He played pro-racquetball and that led to a full ride at college to play.  Unfortunately, a serious injury cut that short which led him to San Fran.  When he moved back to the South, he moved to Myrtle Beach and ended up getting married.  That ended in divorce when they moved back to Charlotte.  He and his father have been running a remodeling company (hence, the ability to build/make things) and during that started a vineyard.  He's entrepreneurial.  This is so hot!

It probably doesn't sound terribly fascinating to read the run down, but during the date, there were stories interspersed within the facts.  And I am a sucker for a story.  Everyone that I've dated has been a story teller and not the lying kind.  I've enjoyed listening to people spin tales for as long as I can remember.  When I was a kid, I used to make my mom tell me over and over the story of my old dad, her, and I road tripping it to Maine and camping along the way.  I was 9 months old during this adventure.  We slept in campgrounds in our bright orange International Scout.  After the first night of me taking over the "bed" in the back.  They arranged a pallet for me in the front seat.  One night, my mom got sick and was running to bathroom; my dad got up to check on me and I was gone...he screamed for my mom but there was more pressing matters for her.  However, he could hear me crying.  After searching, he found me lodged under the brake and the clutch in the driver floorboard.  I still make my mom tell me this story to this day.  Random side note...sorry...

Back to the date, he walked me to my car and we kissed.  Then, the kissing got a little heavier; then, I was up against the car making out.  I was parked next to the service elevator several times there were people that popped out and got a full view of us making out against the car.  We got a few comments and snickers.  Here comes even more white trash....he gets into the car and well, it was high school all over again.  PG make out was on full force in the car and it was great!  I'll spare you the details but we went to 2nd base.  Not classy and probably a guarantee I won't get a 2nd date, but it was fun.  At least, I didn't go all the way in the car!

The really great part was I felt like I got my mojo back.  I've previously talked about losing it in As I Approach 30. Yes, I've "gotten some" since I wrote that, but there's just something about making out like a horny teenager that felt awesome.  So we'll see if my faux pas means I don't get a second date or not...

On another note,  isn't there something ironic about him having a 15 year old and then him making out in a car like a 15 year old...that gave me a giggle...

Friday, November 5, 2010

From Even Further Away

That's right y'all!  I got favorited on by a guy from Greece!  After my New to NOLA...but I live in Charlotte post, I just had to post this.  This guy favorited me from over 5000 miles away~he's 25 too.  Talk about the definition of a long-distance relationship.  Again, I'll reiterate that all of my online profiles explicitly state:  "I'm also not looking for a pen pal. It seems like a lot of times conversations on here end up in email or text purgatory."

The Alone Part of Being Single

Obviously in being single, one can tend to spend a significant portion of time alone.  This is particularly the case when one lives alone as I do.  I'm not a hermit by any means.  I date a fair amount and go out with friends, but there are many evenings that consist of just me, myself, and I plus my cute pup, Fabes.  I was raised as an only child and typically the alone factor isn't a big deal.  I've perfected the ability to entertain myself and, at times, crave solitude.  These cravings generally come after people filled weekends/time periods.  

There are times, however, when "the alone factor" sucks:

-Dinner time-I hate cooking for one and tend to avoid doing it.  There is simply no joy (for me at least) in preparing and eating at home by myself.  This leads to lots of eating out which can get expensive and isn't quite as healthy (given where I live) as I would like.
-I typically don't mind eating out alone and got pretty good at it after living in China on my own....Except when  your waitress looks at you with pity and says, "Can I get you a newspaper or something?"

SIDE BAR- I hate when I take myself out to eat and the food (specifically in this instance, spaghetti carbonara) that I make is better than the restaurant's.  Grrrr...but I hate cooking for one!

-When your mom poignantly asks, "You're going to the mountains alone for the yourself?"  Yes, mom, we are in the 21st century and I can travel alone.  Yes, mom, don't you remember I moved to China twice by why is driving an hour and a half to the mountains by myself weird?  Last time, I checked mountain folk speak English and it's close--not nearly as strange as moving to China without a job, apartment, pretty much anything except my suitcase.  That didn't freak her out but going hiking and wandering in the NC mountains with my dog is somehow not alright.  

I'm 30 without a boyfriend or husband that means if I want to do something either I do it alone or I find a friend.  Finding a friend, however, is easier said than done--no offense to my dear, dear friends that live close and read this.  I realize they have their own lives and plans that don't always coincide with my whims.  So in being single, you sometimes have 2 options:  1) stay at home and do nothing (yuck!) 2) go out and do it by yourself.  I normally choose the latter unless I'm being lazy...I do love my couch.  I'd so much rather do stuff even if it is by myself than end up being a hermit and waiting for someone to ask me to do something or hoping that I can find a friend.  

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The What-ifs

Last night, I attended a networking event for my pseudo-high school.  I say pseudo because I only attended boarding school for 1 year and it was an awful year.  Looking back and after the event, I sometimes wonder if I should have completed high school there.  One might ask if it was so awful, why am I wondering about the "what if"?  Not to sound hoity-toity, but it's a very impressive school in New England--presidents have gone there, people that cure cancer have gone there, people that have started big time relief organizations have gone there.

So why was it awful?  I am a born and bred North Carolinian and moving to New England was SERIOUS culture shock.  I was 15, awkward, depressed, and (again) dealing with this seriously different culture.  Plus, in 95/96, New England had one of the worst winters it had ever seen.  Needless to say, being from NC, I don't do feet upon feet of snow very well.  I could NOT understand why I was forced to go to class when there were 25 foot snow drifts all over campus...not to mention the foot or two of snow I had to wade through to get to class.  The irony--I chose to go to boarding school.  

It started with the summer before 9th grade.  I went to a boarding school in Switzerland for the summer between 8th and 9th grade to learn French.  It was amazing--the school was on Lake Lugano, in between Italy and Switzerland. 

Not so bad, huh?  I returned to the US after the experience even more depressed with my 14 year old life. Plus, I met this amazing 19 year old half Italian man that was hot who told me if I was older, he would wisk me away (ahhh, the men of our youth).  So, I announced to my parents that fall/winter that I was moving back to Lugano to go to high school and they said, "Yea, right."  Persistence has been the blessing and bane of my existence.  I began to research and thought, ok, if I can't go to Switzerland, I'll find another boarding school with Chinese (this has been my passion since I was 10).  I found the only school, at the time, that offered Chinese on the East Coast.  I applied and got in--I can be a smarty pants after all ;)

In the fall of 95, we drove to New England and as we got on campus, I lost all my steam and started shitting my pants.  What had a I done!  Between many pints of ice cream, lots of junk food, and buying a CD a day,  I got through the year.  In the words of my mother, I had signed a contract and was going to complete what I had started--you are not a quitter.  

So why am I rambling about something that happened 15 years just got me to thinking.  Would I be better off if I had completed high school there?  Would I have done more, accomplished more, and be more influential now?  Those thoughts, of course, led to thoughts of what if other things had turned out differently:

What if I had married College BF #2 (of course, impossible as he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday)
What if I had married BF post-college and not moved back to NC
What if I had gone to UNC like a good little Carolina girl
What if I had moved to China after college and taught English
What if I had married the Colonel
What if I had married High School BF
What if, what if, what if....

Ok, enough what ifs, I truly have no regrets and have led in some ways an AMAZING life.  I have always followed my heart and my passions even if its taken some ass backward ways like living in a farm house in the middle of BFE North Carolina.  It's just curious sometimes to wonder and ponder...

As a side note, did you notice that almost all of the what ifs had to do with marriage/men? How utterly stupid and telling of a single 30-something...blah.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

New to NOLA but I live in Charlotte?

Funny thing, I live in why is he contacting me and writing such a lengthy email when he lives in New Orleans??? Never been a fan of long distance relationships in general, but starting one as long distance just seems absurd.  Eharmony, it has always seemed to me to be a proponent of long distance and moving/traveling great distances to find the person that meets their 27 dimensions of compatibility.  I think this, personally, is (albeit perhaps possible to find love) kind of unsafe.  There aren't enough emails, phone calls, or Skype calls that can give you utter assurance that whom you will meet will be normal and not scary.  Of course, all online dates are this way.  There is always an element of "shit, am I going to be meeting a stalker/rapist/killer" when I go out on any online date.  If I immediately get his feeling from emails/calls, I, obviously, don't go.  

What's more strange is that since I've turned 30, I've received more winks, been viewed by, and gotten emails from people that do not live in the Charlotte or even NC area.  Does the fact that I've reached the "about to be a spinster" age mean that all of a sudden I am so desperate I will take on a long distance relationship just for a remote feel of having a boyfriend?  I don't think so.  I want someone who is real, whom I can touch, whom is there to snuggle with, go out with, stay home with; I do not want a pen pal.  So--do I even respond to this guy and ask why did you contact me, I live in Charlotte? Message: New to NOLA


40, New Orleans, LA
Seeking Female 29-48
Thirst for Adventure & Knowledge
I am a world traveler who is very down to earth. Volunteer around the Globe to help children born with congenital heart disease. I have a sharp wit, and great sense of humor. Love Adventure. Avid Snow Skier SCUBA Diver Sailor Looking for someone who wants to share my life and adventures with me . . . … Read more »
From: NOLA MAN > / Received: November 02, 2010

New to NOLA


I am a medical professional new to NOLA.
Educated, with a down to earth outgoing personality.
Great sense of humor.

Spend the last 2 years traveling the globe as a volunteer working in surgery fixing children’s hearts in third world countries. The International Children's Heart Foundation ( ) has been my passion. I trained and worked in Miami for 8 years. Prior to my travels, I worked in St. Petersburg - Tampa for 7 years, then quit my day job to teach around the globe.

Currently, I have taken a job at Tulane University Medical Center, to help them restart their Pediatric Heart Surgery program. Since I have only met a few people at work, I thought I would give this internet thing a whirl !

Love adventure, avid snow skier & scuba diver.

Want someone to share my adventures with . . .

E nough about me and my job, I would really like to know more about you ?

If you could choose anywhere in the world to travel where would you like to go ?

Hope to hear from you,


Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Single Parent/Kid Factor

I've been MIA again but between my anxiety about hearing about a new job and the toothless fools that have been winking at me on Match, there just hasn't been much to say.  I still don't have news about the job except that I am their chosen candidate and the new department head that was just hired wants to meet with me prior to them extending an offer.  He can't meet until November 8th!!  My stomach has been in knots and I've been pacing a lot lately.  So, I continue my wait.  This, in turn, means that I can't do anything in terms of (finally) getting my own place, getting some new furniture (YAY!), and really (again) starting my adult life.  Of course, this is all I've been obsessing about for now 2 weeks.  I can't sleep because I literally dream of having my pseudo-adult life back.  I say pseudo because some would say that being 30 and not being married, not owning a home, and not having kids is only kind of being an adult or maybe that's what the voices in my head are telling me.  

As for the toothless fools that have been contacting me, well, they aren't all toothless but they sure are ugly.  Something about turning 30 on Match has drastically reduced the number of attractive men that contact me and subsequently the number of dates I am going on.  I have started talking to Mr. Dad.  He's 34 with 2 children whom are 4 and 8.  The thought of actually going on a date with this man scares me.  My over-analytical mind immediately goes into I am not old enough to be a stepmom.  Of course, this is not true especially in the society in which we live.  I have not, as of yet, dated anyone that has children.  Of course, as I get older, eventually it will likely happen that I do.  What's even more ironic is that my family is a culmination of many marriages with lots of kids from the previous marriages.  In fact, because I only want 1 little girl but want her to still have brothers and sisters (like me), it would seem logical that dating single parents would be a great answer.  I still have weird feelings about the "step" know the evil stepmother thing.  Not to mention, my experience with a step-parent has been interesting to say the least.  

The other interesting thing about Mr. Dad...he asked if we could be Facebook friends after chatting on the phone once.  AHHHH!  I hate being friends with dates on Facebook and not because I post anything particularly revealing.  It's typically just bad form and can lead to stupid stalking and reveals part of myself that I'm not quite ready to reveal.  I friended him too, but set the privacy settings so he only access to certain parts.  Guess we'll see how it goes.  We are supposed to chat about getting together next week assuming he doesn't back out because of what he sees on FB.  FML.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Need some Physical Attraction

So obviously, I've been on a dating binge the past few weeks--4 dates in 2 weeks.  The problem with most of these dates--no physical attraction.  I'm not looking for a Brad Pitt look a like, but I need to at least feel some sort of weakness in the knees.  There has to be something that sparks that "want" to be touched.  I haven't gotten that in a while.  Maybe this is a function of growing up.  I used to walk in a bar 5 years ago and find at least 5 people I could have envisioned having more than a little fun with.  And sometimes, I acted on it--ok pretty often acted on it.  I haven't experienced this of late at all.  I mention this low sex drive in As I Approach 30.   I hate it.

This reaction indicates there wasn't any red hot action resulting from Mr. Business aka the 45 year old white haired man or anyone else.  Sorry to disappoint--I was hoping for a juicy posting too.  The problem--we had a great conversation.  It was actually a pleasurable outing--just minus the physical attraction.

Something else interesting happened on my date this past Saturday afternoon with Mr. Ole Miss.  I was called a communist.  Now, I will admit I am very pro-China (yes, this makes some people nervous), but I am not pro-communist.  Not everyone is created equal.  Everyone has there own talents in which they excel and should be justly compensated for said talents.  I do think that China's ability to direct funding in certain industries with high growth potential is a sound practice.  The free market is not able to "decide" on its own what will ultimately result in the most growth/prosperity--it needs helps.  (I explained all this to him too, FYI.) Anyway, I digress.  Mr. Ole Miss was very attractive and I actually felt some weakness, but it ended in a killjoy with him insulting me.  Funny enough, he actually complained about the small mindedness of people at Ole Miss...think he might have been complaining a little about himself.  

On another note,  it's interesting the number of "hits" I receive on Match and Okcupid have decreased exponentially since I turned 30.  Nothing about my profiles has changed--just my age.  That's a bit depressing.  I also think I might have tapped out the Charlotte market...when I go out on dates now, I usually see someone that I've previously been out with--this happened on Friday when I went out with Mr. Business.  Fortunately, there wasn't any weirdness per se; other than I looked at him and thought Shit, I  went out with you and I can't remember anything about it.  

Sorry about the political mumbo jumbo thrown in--just couldn't be avoided. Next!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Babies, Tears, and 2 "Talks in 1 Night"

So this past weekend, I had 2 dates, 2 volunteer events, and a Sunday full of helping my parents with stuff around our lake house.  All in all a very busy and productive weekend.  The date on Friday night was a second date with Mr. Controller.  We met at 8pm at a dueling piano bar on the lake and it was deserted when we arrived but the music was extremely loud.  We managed to have a good conversation despite the atmosphere and left around 1am.  He walked me to my car and we kissed but it was more of a peck--not exactly the kind of kiss that left you shaking in the knees.  I didn't want to make out in the parking lot obviously but some sort of feeling in it would have been nice.

Fast forward to Saturday night, I had another date with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy.  We went to a cute French restaurant, followed by drinks at a great Tavern, where we happened to bump into a friend of a friend, and another friend met us out.  Conversation, as always, was awesome.  We talked about the upcoming football game we are going to in November.  We even talked about my upcoming date with Mr. Business turns Personal and how ridiculous the situation is.  Then we start discussing how we both really want to take a month and do a cross country trip.  We both say we should do it together next year.  Still love the ability to have word vomit with him, but then it got the best of me....again.

That morning I'd volunteered with the Symphony in helping children at the Musical Petting Zoo and playing with percussion instruments.  The children were wonderful and it started the (usually way in the background longing) I have for a family, husband, and children.  It even made me misty eyed at one point.  I hoped this wouldn't rear its ugly head later on that day.

Well, it did.  After all the girls had left the bar, Mr. Non-Divorced and I started talking about my day and well, the tears started to flow.  Yes, I am an idiot, overly sensitive, and utterly ashamed that this weakness appeared.  I don't think it's particularly awful that I occasionally (or really very often) feel disappointment that I haven't married and had children yet.  They are my feelings after all and I have to own them.  So there, I said it.  I am thirty and really wish I was married and at least thinking about babies.  The utter cliche.  Whatever.  I am upset that it came out in front of Non-Divorced.

So, it's Monday night.  Non-Divorced called and I tell him about this interview I got for an International Marketing position that I'm super excited about! WOO HOO!!!!  Then he goes into how he wants to make sure we're on the same page and that he cares about me on some level and doesn't want to hurt me.  (That's good, right?) But he concerned about where I am given my tears on Saturday.  I state again for the 3rd or 4th time that's he not yet divorced and I fully understand the repercussions of that.  He babbles that we've had the talk about seeing others and it's ok with both of us which is true. Then he babbles about how he's embarrassed he brought it up and maybe he's overly sensitive, etc.  I also state again that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a family and children--that's part of me too.  The only thing I would request is that he not sleep with any of my best friends as my former best friend just moved in with my most recent ex.  He obliges to that request. Conversation ends.

Phone rings again.  It's Mr. Controller.  I tell him about the upcoming interview for the International Marketing position and that it's in Greensboro.  He's excited but then goes into how I shouldn't take him in account regarding my potential move and new position.  WHAT!!  We've had 2 dates.  He goes on to say he'd still like to remain friends of course but that he is still very much interested in me.  To which I reply, I don't think we really have to talk about this as the interview hasn't even happened, but he keeps reiterating that Greensboro isn't that far and he really wants to keep in touch.

How is it possible to have 2 of these conversations in one evening with 2 people that I'm not even serious with?  Again, I'm thoroughly confused.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

When Business Gets Personal

I've fallen off the grid for a couple of weeks.  I've been super busy with work and was at a trade show in DC showcasing real estate in the South for most of last week and all of last weekend.  I was at the trade show with my Dad, so obviously not much dating was going on.  Assuming we get sales from the trade show, it was a successful trip.  I met some interesting people particularly a group that was selling mountain homes in NC.  About 8 of us ended up going to dinner on Saturday night--6 men and 2 women including myself and my dad.  

One of the men was about 350 lbs. and took an interest in me.  About half way through dinner, he said he'd like to chat with me for a moment...not sure why I said yes but I did.  We went to the bar and he then stated we were going to take a shot.  I don't take shots--I usually end up throwing up on the bar.  Not sure why this is and it has nothing to do with the amount of booze I've consumed.  If I've had 1 drink, I throw up; if I've had 15 drinks, I throw up.  I mention to him I don't do shots but thanks.  He continues to press and keeps asking what I want to which I reply nothing.  He gets the bartender to make something and then hands it to me...I take 1 sip and put the rest back.  It tastes like sweet cough syrup--YUCK!  He's also surprised when I don't take it and I state again like I said before, I don't do them.  We walk back to the table and continue dinner.  

The show the next day was particularly slow so I ended up chatting with another guy that was at dinner the previous night.  He was nice, 45, and just getting through a divorce which his boss was quick to point out.  He said he had a lead for me and would call later in the week to give me the details.  So he called yesterday and gave me the lead.  He then said, "I have another unrelated question." Ok...and then he asks me to dinner and says he'll drive down from Lenoir which is about an hour north of where I live in Charlotte.  I say yes as a gut reaction in not wanting  hurt someone's feeling.  This is the problem--he's got all white hair all over.  He is definitely not a young looking 45, but he is funny.  I also don't want to disturb the working relationship we have developed with this group.  

So, I tell my brother about this development and his reaction is exactly what I was expecting: you got to take one for the team and go on this date aka we might be able to get some sales from this.  This probably sounds a little harsh and a little ridiculous.  I sometimes wonder if I'm living way back in the day when families used their daughters to develop alliances and gain wealth.  Even more ridiculous is that I, even though I am from the 21st century, a) believe in taking one for the team b) am willing to do it.  It's almost unnatural the loyalty I feel to my family.  My dad's line when it comes to discussing my future marriage is "I have to see his financial statements first."  Guess, we'll see how it goes....

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

There is no "I" in "We"

I've been pondering a lot lately about relationships, dating, etc but mostly about the relationship part.  Yes, this is a big fat duh considering I blog about these things, but something has struck me recently.  I used to be the girl that always had a boyfriend and a serious one at that.  My first serious boyfriend was in high school.  We tried to make it work in college.  That obviously didn't work, but I already had someone lined up (yes, I was and/or maybe still am that girl).  College guy #1 was an emotional wreck as was I but he also hurt me and yes, I mean physically.  Fortunately, I was smart enough to walk away before anything really serious happened.  And again, another boyfriend appeared within weeks and we dated until after college when he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday.  I again had someone lined up to take his place and 3 weeks after the "birthday" break up, we were serious.  I even thought we would get married....we lived together and got along very well except in the bedroom.  But that's another story for another time.  Then, I moved home to North Carolina to go to grad school.

The point is I was almost always part of a "we" from the time I was 16 until I was 26.  During in the short period of times I was unattached in between those relationships, I dated (loosely used) and actually liked it.  I really liked meeting new people and having some random one nights stands.  I even liked it when I started doing online dating back in 2006.  Sure, it can be nerve wracking to meet a stranger and see what happens.  It's obviously NOT fun when the guys are douches most notably: The Water Guy and the Anti-Southerner.  But there have been some good dates; there, however, have been no boyfriends or engagements.  Which is ok--I'm not going to kill myself if I'm not married within the next year.  What the problem is is that I have forgotten totally forgotten how to even think of myself in a relationship or how to even react/consider the possibility.  I have gone into super selfish mode due to the lack of having to consider anyone at all in my decision making...other than my precious cocker, Fabian.  I don't even really consider the possibility of the dates I go on going anywhere or think about if they'll be a next date.  Normally, I've already scheduled dates for 2 weeks out so even if I met Mr. Wonderful and he wanted to spend the next several nights together it would take serious rearranging.  Not trying to brag--it actually shows an inability to connect emotionally or that I'm extraordinarily picky.  I wonder if subconsciously I've started to consider the dating game solely a numbers game.  The whole you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find the prince mentality.  I'm not particularly sure how to get out of this rut and mentality.  I thought writing would help me process, but alas I'm still lost.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

When They Come Back Around

I was seeing this guy, Mr. Tech, back in the Spring.  We had a good first date, a great 2nd date, and an amazing 3rd date.  The 2nd and 3rd date involved being introduced to his friends.  One would think things were going swimmingly.  His friends loved me--not trying to brag, I liked them too.  The 3rd date was a Saint Patty's Day Crawl.  We had a great time.  I didn't drink myself into oblivion which was a feat.  We ended up back at his house, lounged together, napped together, and made out some.  Unfortunately, my little friend was around, so it was pretty G rated.  The only awkwardness was I had to tell him as he tried to get into my pants.  Now, I'm not sure if my blurting out I was on the rag was what cause things to go sour, but how else do you let someone know?  Let them figure it out for themselves when they find the string--I think NOT!  

So the 3rd date lasted around 12 hours.  It was a great 12 hours.  We stole kisses at the bar and had a great time hanging out with his friends.  So what happened?  I texted him on actual Saint Patty's Day and got no response.  And never heard from him again....until TODAY.  He did "The Fade".  Things going well and then RADIO SILENCE.  I wasn't overly disappointed. I didn't think he was my soul mate but I enjoyed his company.  I am guilty of the I don't get too worked up when it happens to me.  However, when they randomly 6 months later contact you (ie wink at you) on Match.  What is the deal?  Did he get back with an old girlfriend, start talking to his ex-wife again, WTF??  Will keep you posted if he contacts me back.  I just had to send an email--more out of curiosity than anything.  Email was:

Subject:  How ya been stranger
Body:  Hope you had a good summer.

What's even funnier is that I've seen him randomly on Match but then his profile is hidden again.  How do I know he randomly reveals his profile, you might ask, he picked me as one of his "Favorites".  One minute he'll be listed and then later that day vanished.  Gotta love online dating!

A Whole Bunch of Women and a Nap

Consistently finding yourself in rooms full of women is probably not the best way to try and meet a man.  However, this is the situation I've been finding myself in a lot lately.  Between the Junior League, the Symphony Guild, and a Women's Retreat with my mom, I have been surrounded by large groups of women.  This is not to say that I don't enjoy spending girl time.  It's just it's been a bit much lately.  I'm more in need of the one on one type of connection or the let's get crazy and flirt some.  Fortunately, thanks to my WONDERFUL girlfriends, I will be experiencing both this coming weekend.  

Ironically, I joined the Junior League and Symphony Guild to expand my social circle and half-assed hoped I'd meet some new men.  However, men do not hang out in these type situations (Duh, I know).  I did think that with friends of friends, family members, whatever that it might be possible.  Most everyone, however, is already married and doesn't know any singles.  And I am NOT into breaking up marriages.  As pointed out by a younger friend of mine, even if your friends know people and even suggest that you should date them, it normally doesn't work out.  Why--usually an introduction isn't made.  This is NOT something I've experienced personally.

As for my dating life, I had 2 dates last week.  The first seemed full of potential.  We had a great phone conversation (I didn't want to get off the phone after an hour--this is unheard of), he loved sports, worked in sports, similar backgrounds.  He was fun to talk to--what a novel idea!  Then we met.  I know I probably sound like I'm starting to whine and/or my "list of requirements" is unreasonable and/or I'm just too picky. Whatever--his teeth were BUSTED.  I couldn't stop staring at them.  Plus, he clucked when he talked.  That did not occur on the phone, FYI.  So even though I was interested in what he was saying, I couldn't concentrate because of the shit going on in his mouth.  Plus, it's the 21st century; there is no excuse for bad teeth.  NEXT!

The second was similar in terms of we'd talked on the phone and it went really well.  The date went really well too despite some of my own shortcomings....I've been swamped at work.  I'm trying to figure out 5 years of inventory crap and I'm NOT an accountant.  I'm swimming in spreadsheets and trying to compare figures all day every day.  Fine, work sucks.  Last Thursday, I come home from work around 530pm.  I sit down on the couch and next thing I know I wake up at 640pm.  I'm supposed to be at the restaurant at 7pm and it takes 15-20 minutes to get there.  I haven't re-applied makeup, changed, nothing, plus I'm feeling confused as I just woke up and it takes me 5 minutes to realize where I have to be.  I text him and say I'm running late--won't be there til 715pm.  He says fine, no problem.  I manage to pull myself together, look reasonably cute, and arrive at 710pm.  Yes, I am awesome and no, I didn't get a speeding ticket.  But when I arrive, I am discombobulated, numbers are still swimming in my head, and start babbling about work.  He is getting his Master's in Accounting, however, so he was interested in my non-sense about inventory.  Overall, the date went really well once I got it together and had a glass of wine.

At the end, he asked twice if I'd like for him to call again.  I said yes definitely.  Here's hoping there's a 2nd date with this one.  But after my lackluster initial performance, who knows?

Have another date Wednesday night....

Thursday, September 2, 2010

When the lies slip out

It's not that I meant to lie; it just slipped out.  Last night, I had drinks with Mr. Non-Divorced Non-Drinker or Mr. Sprite.  It was all in all a pretty good date.  He made me feel comfortable for the most part.  He was chatty but not overly so.  We laughed a lot about other dates we have had.  We seemed to have similar backgrounds and some similar interests.  He is definitely more artsy than I am.  Who am I kidding....everyone is more artsy than I am.  He's really into making music, photography, and graphic design.  These things are great.  I am just totally unable to do anything of them with any sort of success or enjoyment.

So where did the lie slip out?  I asked why he didn't drink.  He said, "I quit first of all and second, he couldn't if he wanted to as he was on some medicine to get his cholesterol under control." I think, personally, the "I quit" statement is a bit of a red flag as (to me) it indicates at some point there was a problem.  The cholesterol mom and brother are cholesterol drugs and they still drink.  I've also never dated anyone, knowingly, that had what I consider "older people issues".  I guess these are things you get used to in dating the 40 plus set, but I digress.

He asked, "Is this a problem for you?"  This is when the lie slipped out because I said, "No, given your personality and approach, it's not a problem."  It wasn't a TOTAL lie as Mr. Sprite's personality was not condescending and negative like the Water Guy.  He was totally ok with me drinking.  The lie is it is a problem.  I hate that it is and I wish deep down I didn't feel that way.  But here's why I do: 

  1. What if I get wasted, he won't be and will remember all of the idiotic things I do perfectly.  ICK!  I take great comfort in that on most occasions my friends/family end up drinking as much as I do so we both do some stupid shit and can all laugh later together.
  2. Making out in bars (yes, I am TOO old to do this but I want the option).  Making out with a sober someone isn't very likely to happen.  I don't really mean full fledge getting it on but stealing kisses, flirting, and so on.  I guess I drink on some level to reduce inhibitions...sue me.
  3. My family likes to drink (this is looking way far ahead and unrealistic, I know).  If I brought someone home who didn't partake, they would think I should go to the looney bin and he should already be there.  My friends fall in this category too.  Again, ridiculous, if someone is making a "healthy" choice, it shouldn't be a problem
  4. Word vomit - We all know I like I ramble and talk a fair amount.  I would always feel like I'm censoring myself on some level if he was sober.  Some of shit I say doesn't make sense when I've had too many cocktails, but generally, other drunk people understand.  Yes, this is stupid, again sue me.
  5. Crazy drunk sex.  You can't have this with a sober partner.
So, none of my reasons are very good...I'm willing to admit that.  However, it's still an issue. What makes this even more ironic is that I didn't drink until college.  I was totally content being stone cold sober in high school while all of my friends and boyfriends were wasted.  They didn't have a problem with me; so why do I have problem in the reverse?  Don't know.

Mr. Sprite also seemed to be a little too willing to talk about feelings on a first date.  There was a little too much information about his recent separation which I appreciate but.....  I certainly don't want a non-emotional man but don't want an overly emotional man either.  Hello, I am the girl.   Guess, the word vomit wouldn't be that much of an issue.  Now that's I've talked in circles, I'll end with a quote:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day”

Friday, August 27, 2010

Awkward Food and the Interview Date

My first date after a 3 week hiatus was...umm...more like than interview than a date.  We hugged when we met and when we left but everything in between felt similar to an interview.  The conversation primarily revolved around work, growing up, and the like--normal first date conversation, but there just wasn't any warmth about it.  

We ordered a couple of glasses of wine and some food.  He ordered sushi and I ordered a grilled chicken flat bread.  I thought both seemed pretty date friendly food.  When my plate arrived, however, BOY was I wrong.  There was a mound of uncooked spinach on top of a flat bread that wasn't completely cut into pieces.  So, every time I tried to eat the salad on top the flat bread moved around the plate.  We both commented on how challenging it was going to be for me to try and eat this thing.  Then, there was the amount of red onion and olives....even if I had wanted to kiss Mr. Interview, it would've resulted in a breath disaster.  I bumbled through saying if I ended up with spinach on top of my head, it would be nice if he'd let me know.  

I will admit part of it was me.  I'm still a little down and out from the loss of my friend who was also the GM of my golf course.  We talked about that briefly and he was surprised and interested in that I ran a golf course on a day to day basis.  Then, we started talking about how that's not what I really want to be doing.  I want to be working for a multi-national corporation doing marketing research and analysis specifically pertaining to China.  Yes, I am very specific (this is also what every job search guru says to be) and yes, I am not in the greatest market--NYC or San Fran might be better, but I love NC and want to live either here or in China.  A little extreme, but that's me.  It was nice of him to offer suggestions, but he also said with China now being the 2nd largest economy, how can you not get a job?  I've thought the same damn thing.  And I don't know--maybe it's me; maybe it's the economy; maybe it's both.  Just didn't want to have the same conversation that I've had in my head for the past a year and a half again without concrete suggestions like I know so and so, you should talk to them.  This is way TOO much to ask of a first date, I know.  

This is also why I still keep going back for more with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy along with the ability to have word vomit.  After our first date, he knew someone with contacts at Electrolux and forwarded my name and resume.  Too much to expect, but unexpectedly very helpful and nice.  Speaking of, Mr. Non-Divorce Guy has asked me to go to a football game on Nov. 20.  WOW--talk about long range plans...maybe by then, we'll be able to do the wild thing as he divorced will be finalized.

So, another resounding another date tonight...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Overeagerness is NOT attractive - Part 2

A while back prior to Overeagerness is NOT attractive aka Mr. Grenada, the same girlfriend and I were out at the Epicenter in Charlotte.  We were having drinks, chatting, and lounging on these comfy love seats they have at Mez.  A friend of a friend of my friend was there and started chatting us up.  He was cute and again, I was hoping he would have cute friends and again, alas he didn't.  He did, however, have Jimmy.  Jimmy is about 5'5" (that's being generous) and was convinced he was one of the most connected men in Charlotte.  That might or might not be the case, but who goes around talking about it?

Jimmy and I are introduced.  Immediately, Jimmy asks how in the world I can be single.  I hate this question as most single people do.  In fact, it is #3 in the top 19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person on MSN.  Maybe, I'm too picky; maybe, I just haven't found "him" yet; bottom line, I'm not sure.  I think I'm wonderful but I haven't found a special someone that I think is wonderful back.  

I digress.  Jimmy proceeds to go on and on that he is going to convince me to marry him by the end of the night.  SAY WHAT!?  I think to myself you are short, overeager, and clearly is too big for his britches--why would I ever be interested...YUCK!  Somehow, my friend and I are unable to get away from Jimmy and Jimmy keeps berating me with how I'm beautiful, so worldly, and so shouldn't be single.  This lasts until 3am.  Again, I'm an idiot and give the correct phone number.  (Why do I do this?)  I also make the fatal mistake of getting pizza with him afterwards.  At which point, he then starts trying to get me to go home with him.  Friend has already left with her then boyfriend.  

Compliments have certainly worked their charm on me before and have persuaded me to go home with boys that I wouldn't have usually go home with, but Jimmy and his talk of marriage has me literally contemplating maybe I don't ever want to marry ANYONE.  Mind you--at this point, I'm almost 30 (now I've already joined the club) and marriage is kind of looming in the background (why aren't I there yet, all of my friends are kind of head talk).  And this guy has made of scared of it!  So home I head wondering where are all the normal ones?

Next day, he calls, texts, and finds me on Facebook and tries to persuade to A) go out that Saturday night B) we are perfectly suited for each other.  I ignore the offers to go out but strangely accept the FB request.  Fast forward a few months, I see he is engaged about 6 months after the episode at the Epicenter.  How has he had time to meet, date, and get engaged in 6 months?  Man, he seriously was on a mission and really wasn't kidding with me. forward another 3 months, his FB status no longer says engaged and GUESS WHAT--he winks at me on  WTF--I have officially come full circle.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Marriage Minded--what?!

If this doesn't sound like a scam, I don't know what does.  Even more funny is that I've received this same email at least 3 times.  Therefore, I felt I just had to post...


56, Atlanta, GA
Seeking Female 30-42
Gentleman Lawyer- Funny, Normal, Adventurous. Still A Believer In The Magic Of Romance, Chance, Fate And Adventure!
MY PROFILE: I still believe in the magic of romance, chance and fate after my recent break up from someone who was not ready to move on with life although she may have believed so. Remember anything in life worth doing has some element of risk and I did my best for love but love and fate held out that my ex-girlfriend was not my right person. Perhaps you are to me but you will need… Read more »
From: marriagemindedx < > / Received: August 14, 2010

You are my match and simply adorable!

My promise to myself for Summer 2010 was to change my profile to get off match and move on with my life now with my right person since I have ended an engagement with an exgirlfriend last summer. She was on match so I know there are quality women on this site. The challenge is to meet your match who is ready, willing and able to move on with their life with you and that can take time. She was 33 years old and age was never an issue with us. I am so very interested in your profile and you are very beautiful and very lovely. There is a proverb that all good things come to those who wait. I think it was written with you in mind :o) But I can't wait any longer with my teenage son going to college next year and so much more I want to do in life but have a vision of myself, among other things, as a married person. I can be the bestest friend in addition to possibly being your soul mate [may be just have been born a bit early on the universe time clock...LOL]; so please read my profile then call me for a friendly, no strings chat at 770-591-xxxx leaving a message with a good time and good phone number to call you back if you reach my voice mail. I hope you call me and just be open to a year of new beginnings!!! Cheers, Patrick

Welcome to the 30 Club

Today, I turn 30.  I thought as I got closer it would result in me being more of an adult.  Maybe after today, it will.  The past 2 weeks have not indicated as such.  Let me explain...

I went to the Dominican Republic with my parents to celebrate.  I was supposed to leave on Sat., Aug 7th.  I didn't, however, get there until Tues., Aug 10th.  I checked my passport 5 times before leaving and read that it expired on May 10 2011.  Boy, did I get a shock when I tried to check in at 6am August 7th when the agent said it was already expired and I couldn't board the plane.  The next 3 days were spent calling and emailing my Senator's office, getting an emergency passport appointment, and driving to and from DC.  Fortunately, I have a friend that works in the Senator's office as well as personally knowing the Senator (I took ballet with her oldest daughter).  Fortunately, it worked out and I arrived Tuesday afternoon.  

I thought the vacation would be relaxing and it was after I arrived.  I thought there would (hopefully) be some stories as well, but alas being surrounded by families with children and couples doesn't result in such.

Fast forward to Saturday...I land in Raleigh and receive a voice mail that a very close friend had passed away in a motorcycle accident.  He also worked with me and helped me run my family's business.  Very unexpected and upsetting.  Hence why I've been MIA from the blog and Twitter.  

Sorry to be Debbie Downer...hope everything can get more back to normal soon....

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Overeagerness is NOT attractive

Being overly eager does not an attractive date make.  Sure, you want them to like you (assuming you like them), you want them to call and text, but paying an inordinate amount of attention is a TOTAL turnoff.  Allow me to explain.

This past Friday, I went out with a girlfriend.  We went to dinner and then went to have drinks at the Gin Mill.  It's usually a pretty low key place with a decent crowd and usually some cuties.  This point was proven when Mr. Michigan approached.  He was a little younger, 27, and attracted to my friend.  Great--I was hoping he would have a cute friend in tow but alas that was not the case.  As they continued chatting, I looked around to see if perhaps there might be a cutie for me.  Then, Mr. Grenada approaches and states in a Caribbean/pseudo English accent that in Grenada, I would certainly not be single and I should join him and his friends.  My friend was, meanwhile, still being entertained, so I joined them.  Partly out of boredom, but I'm also a sucker for a compliment no matter how ridiculous.

Mr. Grenada pulled out my chair to allow me to sit down (very gentlemanly) and we chat.  He then proceeds to say he is going to take me on a date this coming week and how very, very, very much he likes me.  At this point, I'm sort of playing along and he is nice.  I'm just not attracted to him that way.  Mr. Michigan is still hitting on my friend and starting to make a bit of a fool of himself.  Mr. Grenada comments why is Mr. Michigan's every other word the f-bomb.  To which I reply, I don't know but he seems like a moron.  (Always a shame when they are cute but douche bags.  Also a shame when they are nice but you're not a attracted)

The night continues with Mr. Grenada continuing to talk about this future date and at this point, I'm really wanting to go home and do not want to go out with him.  But I'm an idiot and when he asks for my number, I give it to him and the real one.  I know--shame on me, but I felt bad he was nice.  Mr. Michigan proceeds to pee in the tree on the roof deck, comes back to the table, calls Mr. Grenada a "negro" (YES OMG-my friend and I were MORTIFIED), and then Mr. Michigan is kicked out of the bar.  So my friend and I are gushing apologies at the idiocy of Mr. Michigan.  (Sidenote:  Both of us are very Southern, but under NO circumstance is using negro or the other n word EVER EVER appropriate.)  Obviously, it is time to go.  Mr. Grenada walks us to the car and what do you know but Mr. Michigan is waiting outside for us to come out.  We dodge him and hop in the car.

Fast forward to Saturday (yes, the next day), Mr. Grenada calls and texts within an hour of each other.  I reply saying I'm with family and will be for the weekend (which is true) and will call Mon.  He texts on Sunday  saying he hopes I am having fun with the family.  He texts Monday and calls twice.  He texts again on Tuesday.  Come on man--clearly, I'm busy and/or don't want to talk.  Give up the goose.  I realize it is my fault for giving him my number and I should grow some balls and just say I'm not interested.  Honestly though, even if I was REALLY attracted to him, I wouldn't want or need this much attention within 4 days of meeting him.  I've dated guys for years and not gotten this many messages or phone calls within such a short period.

Plus, I leave for the Dominican Republic in 3 days!  ...for my 30th...EEK!!  I have another similar story but I'll save it for another post...

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Pen Pal Purgatory

You know when you were little and got a pen pal.  It was fun.  I actually had several friends that I met on vacation with my parents in the Bahamas and we became GREAT friends all through the written word.  I am also still friends with one such childhood friend through Facebook.  Got to love Facebook for that reason alone.

In fact, I still truly enjoy writing hand written letters.  I think it is the most personal form of communication not involving touching.  I used to write letters to several friends and family members during MBA school as a way to procrastinate and it was wonderful getting them in return.  Clearly, in today's fast paced society, letters have been shoved by the wayside and email, twitter, facebook, IMing, and (a while back) myspace have replaced them.  I enjoy the new alternative forms of communication and use them regularly.  However, as I've mentioned previously, Facebook is not your dating friend.

I also believe that while dating sites can enable you to meet interesting people and perhaps a true love, they can also create a purgatory type situation.  Obviously, no one wants to go out with every person that happens to look at their profile including me, definitely me--cause some are NASTY.  Emailing one another enables you to in a way "get to know one another".  This usually leads to IMing or chatting on the phone.  Eventually, this should lead to a live, meet in person date.

Sometimes, however, this doesn't happen.  I've had several instances of the guy continuously emailing, getting my number, suggesting plans, but really, it continues into email and text purgatory.  Long emails, long texts or short email/texts with hey what's up?  Do some people join dating sites just to chat online and never meet in person?  Ick.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Boring Dates and Bad Habits

I had another date last Thursday with Mr. Boring.  We had emailed, chatted, and from his profile he seemed interesting enough:  into travel , experiencing new things, etc.  Upon first encounter, I thought holy crap, he looks exactly like a guy friend from college that was a friend with benefits occasionally.  For my college friends reading--not Jersey Lito but Virginia Jew.  I thought if he's anything like Virginia Jew, we'll have a fab time.  Then, he sat down and starting looking around...I mean everywhere but me.  There was virtually NO eye contact.  I hate this more than anything.  I am reasonably attractive and you asked me out, therefore, you should pay attention to me.  This is not too much to ask.

Then, there was the conversation.  I, personally, am really into stories (this is probably obvious since I write a blog full of them).  I like to hear other people's stories not just my own. I think it is not only entertaining but also usually offers insight into who that person is, where they came from, and what sort of commonalities we might have.  This guy had zero.  The only close call was him mentioning he hated going into downtown Charlotte because everyone tries to fight him there.  There wasn't anything to demonstrate that this was the case.  He just stated it as fact.  Frankly, I think that shows either you are extremely insecure or you're paranoid.  

He then mentions that he has to wake up at 4am on Friday mornings and therefore has to go to bed at 9pm.  Guess we're having a short date...why did you plan something for Thursday then?

Moving on, I come to find out his father passed away 5 years ago.  Not the greatest of topics to venture upon, but my father passed away when I was 3.  So, I think maybe this could be a commonality.  Again, nothing.  (Note:  I totally recognize that talking about the death of a loved one is A) not something you really want to talk about on a 1st date B) not something you want to talk with a stranger about C) I have a lot more years between the death and now --so I'm a little more open)

Then, exercise and sports come up.  He hates and does not participate in either.  Am I in the Twilight Zone here?  What guy doesn't like exercise or sports?  I am not an exercise fanatic by any stretch, but I enjoy hiking, dancing, and being active.  He basically stated he didn't like to get off the couch.  Huh-what?  Fortunately, for him, he has to have an amazing metabolism because he was pretty skinny.  And doesn't like sports????  What do you do in the Fall (football) and Spring (basketball--hello March Madness, my favorite)?  At this point, it is pretty clear we have nada in common.  Thank goodness he has to go to bed soon.

So, we leave.  It's 8pm and I'm hungry and very bored.  This is when the bad habits kick in.  If a date is particularly bad or boring, I usually take myself on a date immediately after.  Nothing fancy usually, but this can get to be expensive after a while.  So off to a local restaurant near my house I go and promptly order a glass of wine and dinner.  On some level, I suppose it is a good thing that I am comfortable enough to go out alone, but I hate having to treat myself after going on a date where I was supposed to be treated.  

Guess on to the next one that hopefully will not end with me dining solo.