Been MIA for way too long

Obviously, I haven't posted in quite a while, but to be honest, all I do now is work.  I really thought work (or more accurately a job I hoped for, dreamed for, and ultimately got) would provide a total sense of self.  And it has to some degree.  When I was working for my family, I had little sense of self-worth in the professional way.  It's amazing how much a job defines you.  So, I thought when I achieved that part, the rest would follow.  And, it hasn't.

I really enjoyed blogging too, but that has also suffered with conference calls almost every evening between the hours of 7pm to 10pm.  You might wonder why I have calls at this hour, but I handle the Chinese and Japanese markets and they are exactly 12 and 13 hours the reverse of EST time.  My weekends have, therefore, become a haven of undisturbed me time.  The consequence is that I am overly tired and basically want to sleep the entire time.  The irony is that for the most part I like my job...I just want some balance, but I am unsure how to achieve it.  Working from home a couple days a week would help, but it wouldn't give back my social life during the week.

So, no hilarious stories to share, but I think I have a date tomorrow night with a Global Expansion Consultant who's first message on Ok Cupid was:

"I love the idea of lying on the couch with my girlfriend, asking "what do you want to do today?" and the answer being, "let's just go to the airport and decide there."

If that isn't my idea of perfection, I don't know what is.  So fingers crossed, it will be a great date and maybe the start of something more or at least a reboot of "My So-Called Dating Life".

I had a great date and....might be white trash

Last night, I went out with Mr. Man.  We met at a small pub that was semi-crowded and we talked and talked.  He's a native Charlottean (big points), is handy and can build things (love this), drives a truck (yes, I'm shallow but I love a big truck), and can carry on an intelligent conversation.  He lived in San Fran for a while and decided to come home because he missed his family and good old fashioned Southern hospitality.  This strikes a serious chord with me.  It is so nice to not have to explain why NC is wonderful and why I love it here.  It's also super to not be considered a hick and backward for feeling that way.

Part of what made the conversation interesting was that he was interesting.  His life has definitely not been a linear, ordinary series of steps.  There have been several curve balls thrown into the mix.  He didn't go to college right after high school and in the process got a girl pregnant.  So, he has a 15 year old son.  He played pro-racquetball and that led to a full ride at college to play.  Unfortunately, a serious injury cut that short which led him to San Fran.  When he moved back to the South, he moved to Myrtle Beach and ended up getting married.  That ended in divorce when they moved back to Charlotte.  He and his father have been running a remodeling company (hence, the ability to build/make things) and during that started a vineyard.  He's entrepreneurial.  This is so hot!

It probably doesn't sound terribly fascinating to read the run down, but during the date, there were stories interspersed within the facts.  And I am a sucker for a story.  Everyone that I've dated has been a story teller and not the lying kind.  I've enjoyed listening to people spin tales for as long as I can remember.  When I was a kid, I used to make my mom tell me over and over the story of my old dad, her, and I road tripping it to Maine and camping along the way.  I was 9 months old during this adventure.  We slept in campgrounds in our bright orange International Scout.  After the first night of me taking over the "bed" in the back.  They arranged a pallet for me in the front seat.  One night, my mom got sick and was running to bathroom; my dad got up to check on me and I was gone...he screamed for my mom but there was more pressing matters for her.  However, he could hear me crying.  After searching, he found me lodged under the brake and the clutch in the driver floorboard.  I still make my mom tell me this story to this day.  Random side note...sorry...

Back to the date, he walked me to my car and we kissed.  Then, the kissing got a little heavier; then, I was up against the car making out.  I was parked next to the service elevator exit...so several times there were people that popped out and got a full view of us making out against the car.  We got a few comments and snickers.  Here comes even more white trash....he gets into the car and well, it was high school all over again.  PG make out was on full force in the car and it was great!  I'll spare you the details but we went to 2nd base.  Not classy and probably a guarantee I won't get a 2nd date, but it was fun.  At least, I didn't go all the way in the car!

The really great part was I felt like I got my mojo back.  I've previously talked about losing it in As I Approach 30. Yes, I've "gotten some" since I wrote that, but there's just something about making out like a horny teenager that felt awesome.  So we'll see if my faux pas means I don't get a second date or not...

On another note,  isn't there something ironic about him having a 15 year old and then him making out in a car like a 15 year old...that gave me a giggle...

When They Come Back Around

I was seeing this guy, Mr. Tech, back in the Spring.  We had a good first date, a great 2nd date, and an amazing 3rd date.  The 2nd and 3rd date involved being introduced to his friends.  One would think things were going swimmingly.  His friends loved me--not trying to brag, I liked them too.  The 3rd date was a Saint Patty's Day Crawl.  We had a great time.  I didn't drink myself into oblivion which was a feat.  We ended up back at his house, lounged together, napped together, and made out some.  Unfortunately, my little friend was around, so it was pretty G rated.  The only awkwardness was I had to tell him as he tried to get into my pants.  Now, I'm not sure if my blurting out I was on the rag was what cause things to go sour, but how else do you let someone know?  Let them figure it out for themselves when they find the string--I think NOT!  


So the 3rd date lasted around 12 hours.  It was a great 12 hours.  We stole kisses at the bar and had a great time hanging out with his friends.  So what happened?  I texted him on actual Saint Patty's Day and got no response.  And never heard from him again....until TODAY.  He did "The Fade".  Things going well and then RADIO SILENCE.  I wasn't overly disappointed. I didn't think he was my soul mate but I enjoyed his company.  I am guilty of the fade...so I don't get too worked up when it happens to me.  However, when they randomly 6 months later contact you (ie wink at you) on Match.  What is the deal?  Did he get back with an old girlfriend, start talking to his ex-wife again, WTF??  Will keep you posted if he contacts me back.  I just had to send an email--more out of curiosity than anything.  Email was:


Subject:  How ya been stranger
Body:  Hope you had a good summer.
Lee


What's even funnier is that I've seen him randomly on Match but then his profile is hidden again.  How do I know he randomly reveals his profile, you might ask, he picked me as one of his "Favorites".  One minute he'll be listed and then later that day vanished.  Gotta love online dating!

A Whole Bunch of Women and a Nap

Consistently finding yourself in rooms full of women is probably not the best way to try and meet a man.  However, this is the situation I've been finding myself in a lot lately.  Between the Junior League, the Symphony Guild, and a Women's Retreat with my mom, I have been surrounded by large groups of women.  This is not to say that I don't enjoy spending girl time.  It's just it's been a bit much lately.  I'm more in need of the one on one type of connection or the let's get crazy and flirt some.  Fortunately, thanks to my WONDERFUL girlfriends, I will be experiencing both this coming weekend.  


Ironically, I joined the Junior League and Symphony Guild to expand my social circle and half-assed hoped I'd meet some new men.  However, men do not hang out in these type situations (Duh, I know).  I did think that with friends of friends, family members, whatever that it might be possible.  Most everyone, however, is already married and doesn't know any singles.  And I am NOT into breaking up marriages.  As pointed out by a younger friend of mine, even if your friends know people and even suggest that you should date them, it normally doesn't work out.  Why--usually an introduction isn't made.  This is NOT something I've experienced personally.


As for my dating life, I had 2 dates last week.  The first seemed full of potential.  We had a great phone conversation (I didn't want to get off the phone after an hour--this is unheard of), he loved sports, worked in sports, similar backgrounds.  He was fun to talk to--what a novel idea!  Then we met.  I know I probably sound like I'm starting to whine and/or my "list of requirements" is unreasonable and/or I'm just too picky. Whatever--his teeth were BUSTED.  I couldn't stop staring at them.  Plus, he clucked when he talked.  That did not occur on the phone, FYI.  So even though I was interested in what he was saying, I couldn't concentrate because of the shit going on in his mouth.  Plus, it's the 21st century; there is no excuse for bad teeth.  NEXT!


The second was similar in terms of we'd talked on the phone and it went really well.  The date went really well too despite some of my own shortcomings....I've been swamped at work.  I'm trying to figure out 5 years of inventory crap and I'm NOT an accountant.  I'm swimming in spreadsheets and trying to compare figures all day every day.  Fine, work sucks.  Last Thursday, I come home from work around 530pm.  I sit down on the couch and next thing I know I wake up at 640pm.  I'm supposed to be at the restaurant at 7pm and it takes 15-20 minutes to get there.  I haven't re-applied makeup, changed, nothing, plus I'm feeling confused as I just woke up and it takes me 5 minutes to realize where I have to be.  I text him and say I'm running late--won't be there til 715pm.  He says fine, no problem.  I manage to pull myself together, look reasonably cute, and arrive at 710pm.  Yes, I am awesome and no, I didn't get a speeding ticket.  But when I arrive, I am discombobulated, numbers are still swimming in my head, and start babbling about work.  He is getting his Master's in Accounting, however, so he was interested in my non-sense about inventory.  Overall, the date went really well once I got it together and had a glass of wine.


At the end, he asked twice if I'd like for him to call again.  I said yes definitely.  Here's hoping there's a 2nd date with this one.  But after my lackluster initial performance, who knows?


Have another date Wednesday night....

When the lies slip out

It's not that I meant to lie; it just slipped out.  Last night, I had drinks with Mr. Non-Divorced Non-Drinker or Mr. Sprite.  It was all in all a pretty good date.  He made me feel comfortable for the most part.  He was chatty but not overly so.  We laughed a lot about other dates we have had.  We seemed to have similar backgrounds and some similar interests.  He is definitely more artsy than I am.  Who am I kidding....everyone is more artsy than I am.  He's really into making music, photography, and graphic design.  These things are great.  I am just totally unable to do anything of them with any sort of success or enjoyment.


So where did the lie slip out?  I asked why he didn't drink.  He said, "I quit first of all and second, he couldn't if he wanted to as he was on some medicine to get his cholesterol under control." I think, personally, the "I quit" statement is a bit of a red flag as (to me) it indicates at some point there was a problem.  The cholesterol issue...my mom and brother are cholesterol drugs and they still drink.  I've also never dated anyone, knowingly, that had what I consider "older people issues".  I guess these are things you get used to in dating the 40 plus set, but I digress.


He asked, "Is this a problem for you?"  This is when the lie slipped out because I said, "No, given your personality and approach, it's not a problem."  It wasn't a TOTAL lie as Mr. Sprite's personality was not condescending and negative like the Water Guy.  He was totally ok with me drinking.  The lie is it is a problem.  I hate that it is and I wish deep down I didn't feel that way.  But here's why I do: 

1. What if I get wasted, he won't be and will remember all of the idiotic things I do perfectly.  ICK!  I take great comfort in that on most occasions my friends/family end up drinking as much as I do so we both do some stupid shit and can all laugh later together.
2. Making out in bars (yes, I am TOO old to do this but I want the option).  Making out with a sober someone isn't very likely to happen.  I don't really mean full fledge getting it on but stealing kisses, flirting, and so on.  I guess I drink on some level to reduce inhibitions...sue me.
3. My family likes to drink (this is looking way far ahead and unrealistic, I know).  If I brought someone home who didn't partake, they would think I should go to the looney bin and he should already be there.  My friends fall in this category too.  Again, ridiculous, if someone is making a "healthy" choice, it shouldn't be a problem
4. Word vomit - We all know I like I ramble and talk a fair amount.  I would always feel like I'm censoring myself on some level if he was sober.  Some of shit I say doesn't make sense when I've had too many cocktails, but generally, other drunk people understand.  Yes, this is stupid, again sue me.
5. Crazy drunk sex.  You can't have this with a sober partner.

So, none of my reasons are very good...I'm willing to admit that.  However, it's still an issue. What makes this even more ironic is that I didn't drink until college.  I was totally content being stone cold sober in high school while all of my friends and boyfriends were wasted.  They didn't have a problem with me; so why do I have problem in the reverse?  Don't know.

Mr. Sprite also seemed to be a little too willing to talk about feelings on a first date.  There was a little too much information about his recent separation which I appreciate but.....  I certainly don't want a non-emotional man but don't want an overly emotional man either.  Hello, I am the girl.   Guess, the word vomit wouldn't be that much of an issue.  Now that's I've talked in circles, I'll end with a quote:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day”

Awkward Food and the Interview Date

My first date after a 3 week hiatus was...umm...more like than interview than a date.  We hugged when we met and when we left but everything in between felt similar to an interview.  The conversation primarily revolved around work, growing up, and the like--normal first date conversation, but there just wasn't any warmth about it.  


We ordered a couple of glasses of wine and some food.  He ordered sushi and I ordered a grilled chicken flat bread.  I thought both seemed pretty date friendly food.  When my plate arrived, however, BOY was I wrong.  There was a mound of uncooked spinach on top of a flat bread that wasn't completely cut into pieces.  So, every time I tried to eat the salad on top the flat bread moved around the plate.  We both commented on how challenging it was going to be for me to try and eat this thing.  Then, there was the amount of red onion and olives....even if I had wanted to kiss Mr. Interview, it would've resulted in a breath disaster.  I bumbled through saying if I ended up with spinach on top of my head, it would be nice if he'd let me know.  


I will admit part of it was me.  I'm still a little down and out from the loss of my friend who was also the GM of my golf course.  We talked about that briefly and he was surprised and interested in that I ran a golf course on a day to day basis.  Then, we started talking about how that's not what I really want to be doing.  I want to be working for a multi-national corporation doing marketing research and analysis specifically pertaining to China.  Yes, I am very specific (this is also what every job search guru says to be) and yes, I am not in the greatest market--NYC or San Fran might be better, but I love NC and want to live either here or in China.  A little extreme, but that's me.  It was nice of him to offer suggestions, but he also said with China now being the 2nd largest economy, how can you not get a job?  I've thought the same damn thing.  And I don't know--maybe it's me; maybe it's the economy; maybe it's both.  Just didn't want to have the same conversation that I've had in my head for the past a year and a half again without concrete suggestions like I know so and so, you should talk to them.  This is way TOO much to ask of a first date, I know.  


This is also why I still keep going back for more with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy along with the ability to have word vomit.  After our first date, he knew someone with contacts at Electrolux and forwarded my name and resume.  Too much to expect, but unexpectedly very helpful and nice.  Speaking of, Mr. Non-Divorce Guy has asked me to go to a football game on Nov. 20.  WOW--talk about long range plans...maybe by then, we'll be able to do the wild thing as he divorced will be finalized.


So, another resounding NEXT...got another date tonight...

Boring Dates and Bad Habits

I had another date last Thursday with Mr. Boring.  We had emailed, chatted, and from his profile he seemed interesting enough:  into travel , experiencing new things, etc.  Upon first encounter, I thought holy crap, he looks exactly like a guy friend from college that was a friend with benefits occasionally.  For my college friends reading--not Jersey Lito but Virginia Jew.  I thought if he's anything like Virginia Jew, we'll have a fab time.  Then, he sat down and starting looking around...I mean everywhere but me.  There was virtually NO eye contact.  I hate this more than anything.  I am reasonably attractive and you asked me out, therefore, you should pay attention to me.  This is not too much to ask.


Then, there was the conversation.  I, personally, am really into stories (this is probably obvious since I write a blog full of them).  I like to hear other people's stories not just my own. I think it is not only entertaining but also usually offers insight into who that person is, where they came from, and what sort of commonalities we might have.  This guy had zero.  The only close call was him mentioning he hated going into downtown Charlotte because everyone tries to fight him there.  There wasn't anything to demonstrate that this was the case.  He just stated it as fact.  Frankly, I think that shows either you are extremely insecure or you're paranoid.  


He then mentions that he has to wake up at 4am on Friday mornings and therefore has to go to bed at 9pm.  Guess we're having a short date...why did you plan something for Thursday then?


Moving on, I come to find out his father passed away 5 years ago.  Not the greatest of topics to venture upon, but my father passed away when I was 3.  So, I think maybe this could be a commonality.  Again, nothing.  (Note:  I totally recognize that talking about the death of a loved one is A) not something you really want to talk about on a 1st date B) not something you want to talk with a stranger about C) I have a lot more years between the death and now --so I'm a little more open)


Then, exercise and sports come up.  He hates and does not participate in either.  Am I in the Twilight Zone here?  What guy doesn't like exercise or sports?  I am not an exercise fanatic by any stretch, but I enjoy hiking, dancing, and being active.  He basically stated he didn't like to get off the couch.  Huh-what?  Fortunately, for him, he has to have an amazing metabolism because he was pretty skinny.  And doesn't like sports????  What do you do in the Fall (football) and Spring (basketball--hello March Madness, my favorite)?  At this point, it is pretty clear we have nada in common.  Thank goodness he has to go to bed soon.


So, we leave.  It's 8pm and I'm hungry and very bored.  This is when the bad habits kick in.  If a date is particularly bad or boring, I usually take myself on a date immediately after.  Nothing fancy usually, but this can get to be expensive after a while.  So off to a local restaurant near my house I go and promptly order a glass of wine and dinner.  On some level, I suppose it is a good thing that I am comfortable enough to go out alone, but I hate having to treat myself after going on a date where I was supposed to be treated.  


Guess on to the next one that hopefully will not end with me dining solo.

I Washed My Hair for This

I went out with a guy on Monday and it was a pretty unremarkable date.  There wasn't any harassment like I received from Mr. Total Yankee Asshole  or The Water Guy.  This is obviously always a plus.  Getting ripped a new one about your religious beliefs or being told that your native region sucks is never fun.  Bad dates do, however, provide material for the blog and can sometimes give me a good laugh.  


Monday's date, like I said, was unremarkable.  He was a nice guy--very much the stereotypical engineer which he is.  Very tucked in collared shirt, nice pants, and pointy leather shoes.  


Back story:
I've been working to try to and get my family's business' network up and running since our building was struck by lightening on Saturday.  The lightening strike also knocked out and killed our AC.  I live in Charlotte--it's been 100 degrees since May.  So crawling around on the floor, playing with modems and cables, and re-setting up the local area network without AC has been AWFUL.  Needless to say, I had to shower before going on the date...so I washed my hair, blew it out, the whole nine yards.  I looked very pretty or at least I think so.


So for a date to be just ho-hum and me to have invested time in getting ready, I hate that.  I have another date tomorrow night and I have a feeling it's going to be rather bland as well.  I don't really have any basis for this conclusion.  The emails were pretty entertaining but the phone convo wasn't the best.  He's also an E-harmony match and I just don't have much confidence in their "matching" system.  So we'll see.  Just not particularly excited to A) go through another without AC resulting in me sweating to DEATH B) coming home to rectify the sweat damage by showering and blowing out my hair to result in an evening of general boredom....