So this past weekend, I had 2 dates, 2 volunteer events, and a Sunday full of helping my parents with stuff around our lake house. All in all a very busy and productive weekend. The date on Friday night was a second date with Mr. Controller. We met at 8pm at a dueling piano bar on the lake and it was deserted when we arrived but the music was extremely loud. We managed to have a good conversation despite the atmosphere and left around 1am. He walked me to my car and we kissed but it was more of a peck--not exactly the kind of kiss that left you shaking in the knees. I didn't want to make out in the parking lot obviously but some sort of feeling in it would have been nice.
Fast forward to Saturday night, I had another date with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy. We went to a cute French restaurant, followed by drinks at a great Tavern, where we happened to bump into a friend of a friend, and another friend met us out. Conversation, as always, was awesome. We talked about the upcoming football game we are going to in November. We even talked about my upcoming date with Mr. Business turns Personal and how ridiculous the situation is. Then we start discussing how we both really want to take a month and do a cross country trip. We both say we should do it together next year. Still love the ability to have word vomit with him, but then it got the best of me....again.
That morning I'd volunteered with the Symphony in helping children at the Musical Petting Zoo and playing with percussion instruments. The children were wonderful and it started the (usually way in the background longing) I have for a family, husband, and children. It even made me misty eyed at one point. I hoped this wouldn't rear its ugly head later on that day.
Well, it did. After all the girls had left the bar, Mr. Non-Divorced and I started talking about my day and well, the tears started to flow. Yes, I am an idiot, overly sensitive, and utterly ashamed that this weakness appeared. I don't think it's particularly awful that I occasionally (or really very often) feel disappointment that I haven't married and had children yet. They are my feelings after all and I have to own them. So there, I said it. I am thirty and really wish I was married and at least thinking about babies. The utter cliche. Whatever. I am upset that it came out in front of Non-Divorced.
So, it's Monday night. Non-Divorced called and I tell him about this interview I got for an International Marketing position that I'm super excited about! WOO HOO!!!! Then he goes into how he wants to make sure we're on the same page and that he cares about me on some level and doesn't want to hurt me. (That's good, right?) But he concerned about where I am given my tears on Saturday. I state again for the 3rd or 4th time that's he not yet divorced and I fully understand the repercussions of that. He babbles that we've had the talk about seeing others and it's ok with both of us which is true. Then he babbles about how he's embarrassed he brought it up and maybe he's overly sensitive, etc. I also state again that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a family and children--that's part of me too. The only thing I would request is that he not sleep with any of my best friends as my former best friend just moved in with my most recent ex. He obliges to that request. Conversation ends.
Phone rings again. It's Mr. Controller. I tell him about the upcoming interview for the International Marketing position and that it's in Greensboro. He's excited but then goes into how I shouldn't take him in account regarding my potential move and new position. WHAT!! We've had 2 dates. He goes on to say he'd still like to remain friends of course but that he is still very much interested in me. To which I reply, I don't think we really have to talk about this as the interview hasn't even happened, but he keeps reiterating that Greensboro isn't that far and he really wants to keep in touch.
How is it possible to have 2 of these conversations in one evening with 2 people that I'm not even serious with? Again, I'm thoroughly confused.
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