The New Job

I've been at the new job almost 2 weeks.  It's been going...the learning curve is big and I'm struggling a bit.  As for my Mr. Big aka the Colonel, he has fallen off the grid.  It was to be expected though, but I HATE it!  I hate being rejected--don't we all....

He's not returning phone calls or emails at this point, my favorite, Radio Silence.  As a certain college roomie stated when I told her about Mr. Big-the return, he was totally unavailable back then and likely would be again.  And.....she was right again.  Hate it when that happens.  Why couldn't we just have had a wham, bam, thank you ma'am and he not mention all the lovey dovey crap?  One nighters, while not ideal, can work for me.  What can I say--it had been a while.  Just need to have that expectation out right...Boo.

What makes it more challenging is that Mr. Big involved the whole family--well not entire--only mom, dad, 2 sisters, and me.  There are a total of 6 brothers and sisters including me.  Still, it's a third and I know I'll be getting some pointed questions come Christmas time.  Annoying.

Not remembering all that lovey crap I wrote a week ago...

When They Come Back Around

I was seeing this guy, Mr. Tech, back in the Spring.  We had a good first date, a great 2nd date, and an amazing 3rd date.  The 2nd and 3rd date involved being introduced to his friends.  One would think things were going swimmingly.  His friends loved me--not trying to brag, I liked them too.  The 3rd date was a Saint Patty's Day Crawl.  We had a great time.  I didn't drink myself into oblivion which was a feat.  We ended up back at his house, lounged together, napped together, and made out some.  Unfortunately, my little friend was around, so it was pretty G rated.  The only awkwardness was I had to tell him as he tried to get into my pants.  Now, I'm not sure if my blurting out I was on the rag was what cause things to go sour, but how else do you let someone know?  Let them figure it out for themselves when they find the string--I think NOT!  


So the 3rd date lasted around 12 hours.  It was a great 12 hours.  We stole kisses at the bar and had a great time hanging out with his friends.  So what happened?  I texted him on actual Saint Patty's Day and got no response.  And never heard from him again....until TODAY.  He did "The Fade".  Things going well and then RADIO SILENCE.  I wasn't overly disappointed. I didn't think he was my soul mate but I enjoyed his company.  I am guilty of the fade...so I don't get too worked up when it happens to me.  However, when they randomly 6 months later contact you (ie wink at you) on Match.  What is the deal?  Did he get back with an old girlfriend, start talking to his ex-wife again, WTF??  Will keep you posted if he contacts me back.  I just had to send an email--more out of curiosity than anything.  Email was:


Subject:  How ya been stranger
Body:  Hope you had a good summer.
Lee


What's even funnier is that I've seen him randomly on Match but then his profile is hidden again.  How do I know he randomly reveals his profile, you might ask, he picked me as one of his "Favorites".  One minute he'll be listed and then later that day vanished.  Gotta love online dating!

Awkward Food and the Interview Date

My first date after a 3 week hiatus was...umm...more like than interview than a date.  We hugged when we met and when we left but everything in between felt similar to an interview.  The conversation primarily revolved around work, growing up, and the like--normal first date conversation, but there just wasn't any warmth about it.  


We ordered a couple of glasses of wine and some food.  He ordered sushi and I ordered a grilled chicken flat bread.  I thought both seemed pretty date friendly food.  When my plate arrived, however, BOY was I wrong.  There was a mound of uncooked spinach on top of a flat bread that wasn't completely cut into pieces.  So, every time I tried to eat the salad on top the flat bread moved around the plate.  We both commented on how challenging it was going to be for me to try and eat this thing.  Then, there was the amount of red onion and olives....even if I had wanted to kiss Mr. Interview, it would've resulted in a breath disaster.  I bumbled through saying if I ended up with spinach on top of my head, it would be nice if he'd let me know.  


I will admit part of it was me.  I'm still a little down and out from the loss of my friend who was also the GM of my golf course.  We talked about that briefly and he was surprised and interested in that I ran a golf course on a day to day basis.  Then, we started talking about how that's not what I really want to be doing.  I want to be working for a multi-national corporation doing marketing research and analysis specifically pertaining to China.  Yes, I am very specific (this is also what every job search guru says to be) and yes, I am not in the greatest market--NYC or San Fran might be better, but I love NC and want to live either here or in China.  A little extreme, but that's me.  It was nice of him to offer suggestions, but he also said with China now being the 2nd largest economy, how can you not get a job?  I've thought the same damn thing.  And I don't know--maybe it's me; maybe it's the economy; maybe it's both.  Just didn't want to have the same conversation that I've had in my head for the past a year and a half again without concrete suggestions like I know so and so, you should talk to them.  This is way TOO much to ask of a first date, I know.  


This is also why I still keep going back for more with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy along with the ability to have word vomit.  After our first date, he knew someone with contacts at Electrolux and forwarded my name and resume.  Too much to expect, but unexpectedly very helpful and nice.  Speaking of, Mr. Non-Divorce Guy has asked me to go to a football game on Nov. 20.  WOW--talk about long range plans...maybe by then, we'll be able to do the wild thing as he divorced will be finalized.


So, another resounding NEXT...got another date tonight...

Marriage Minded--what?!

If this doesn't sound like a scam, I don't know what does.  Even more funny is that I've received this same email at least 3 times.  Therefore, I felt I just had to post...

marriagemindedx 56, Atlanta, GA Seeking Female 30-42 Gentleman Lawyer- Funny, Normal, Adventurous. Still A Believer In The Magic Of Romance, Chance, Fate And Adventure! MY PROFILE: I still believe in the magic of romance, chance and fate after my recent break up from someone who was not ready to move on with life although she may have believed so. Remember anything in life worth doing has some element of risk and I did my best for love but love and fate held out that my ex-girlfriend was not my right person. Perhaps you are to me but you will need… Read more » From: marriagemindedx < marriagemindedx@talkmatch.com > / Received: August 14, 2010

You are my match and simply adorable! My promise to myself for Summer 2010 was to change my profile to get off match and move on with my life now with my right person since I have ended an engagement with an exgirlfriend last summer. She was on match so I know there are quality women on this site. The challenge is to meet your match who is ready, willing and able to move on with their life with you and that can take time. She was 33 years old and age was never an issue with us. I am so very interested in your profile and you are very beautiful and very lovely. There is a proverb that all good things come to those who wait. I think it was written with you in mind :o) But I can't wait any longer with my teenage son going to college next year and so much more I want to do in life but have a vision of myself, among other things, as a married person. I can be the bestest friend in addition to possibly being your soul mate [may be just have been born a bit early on the universe time clock...LOL]; so please read my profile then call me for a friendly, no strings chat at 770-591-xxxx leaving a message with a good time and good phone number to call you back if you reach my voice mail. I hope you call me and just be open to a year of new beginnings!!! Cheers, Patrick

Pen Pal Purgatory

You know when you were little and got a pen pal.  It was fun.  I actually had several friends that I met on vacation with my parents in the Bahamas and we became GREAT friends all through the written word.  I am also still friends with one such childhood friend through Facebook.  Got to love Facebook for that reason alone.


In fact, I still truly enjoy writing hand written letters.  I think it is the most personal form of communication not involving touching.  I used to write letters to several friends and family members during MBA school as a way to procrastinate and it was wonderful getting them in return.  Clearly, in today's fast paced society, letters have been shoved by the wayside and email, twitter, facebook, IMing, and (a while back) myspace have replaced them.  I enjoy the new alternative forms of communication and use them regularly.  However, as I've mentioned previously, Facebook is not your dating friend.


I also believe that while dating sites can enable you to meet interesting people and perhaps a true love, they can also create a purgatory type situation.  Obviously, no one wants to go out with every person that happens to look at their profile including me, definitely me--cause some are NASTY.  Emailing one another enables you to in a way "get to know one another".  This usually leads to IMing or chatting on the phone.  Eventually, this should lead to a live, meet in person date.


Sometimes, however, this doesn't happen.  I've had several instances of the guy continuously emailing, getting my number, suggesting plans, but really, it continues into email and text purgatory.  Long emails, long texts or short email/texts with hey what's up?  Do some people join dating sites just to chat online and never meet in person?  Ick.

Boring Dates and Bad Habits

I had another date last Thursday with Mr. Boring.  We had emailed, chatted, and from his profile he seemed interesting enough:  into travel , experiencing new things, etc.  Upon first encounter, I thought holy crap, he looks exactly like a guy friend from college that was a friend with benefits occasionally.  For my college friends reading--not Jersey Lito but Virginia Jew.  I thought if he's anything like Virginia Jew, we'll have a fab time.  Then, he sat down and starting looking around...I mean everywhere but me.  There was virtually NO eye contact.  I hate this more than anything.  I am reasonably attractive and you asked me out, therefore, you should pay attention to me.  This is not too much to ask.


Then, there was the conversation.  I, personally, am really into stories (this is probably obvious since I write a blog full of them).  I like to hear other people's stories not just my own. I think it is not only entertaining but also usually offers insight into who that person is, where they came from, and what sort of commonalities we might have.  This guy had zero.  The only close call was him mentioning he hated going into downtown Charlotte because everyone tries to fight him there.  There wasn't anything to demonstrate that this was the case.  He just stated it as fact.  Frankly, I think that shows either you are extremely insecure or you're paranoid.  


He then mentions that he has to wake up at 4am on Friday mornings and therefore has to go to bed at 9pm.  Guess we're having a short date...why did you plan something for Thursday then?


Moving on, I come to find out his father passed away 5 years ago.  Not the greatest of topics to venture upon, but my father passed away when I was 3.  So, I think maybe this could be a commonality.  Again, nothing.  (Note:  I totally recognize that talking about the death of a loved one is A) not something you really want to talk about on a 1st date B) not something you want to talk with a stranger about C) I have a lot more years between the death and now --so I'm a little more open)


Then, exercise and sports come up.  He hates and does not participate in either.  Am I in the Twilight Zone here?  What guy doesn't like exercise or sports?  I am not an exercise fanatic by any stretch, but I enjoy hiking, dancing, and being active.  He basically stated he didn't like to get off the couch.  Huh-what?  Fortunately, for him, he has to have an amazing metabolism because he was pretty skinny.  And doesn't like sports????  What do you do in the Fall (football) and Spring (basketball--hello March Madness, my favorite)?  At this point, it is pretty clear we have nada in common.  Thank goodness he has to go to bed soon.


So, we leave.  It's 8pm and I'm hungry and very bored.  This is when the bad habits kick in.  If a date is particularly bad or boring, I usually take myself on a date immediately after.  Nothing fancy usually, but this can get to be expensive after a while.  So off to a local restaurant near my house I go and promptly order a glass of wine and dinner.  On some level, I suppose it is a good thing that I am comfortable enough to go out alone, but I hate having to treat myself after going on a date where I was supposed to be treated.  


Guess on to the next one that hopefully will not end with me dining solo.