Awkward Food and the Interview Date

My first date after a 3 week hiatus was...umm...more like than interview than a date.  We hugged when we met and when we left but everything in between felt similar to an interview.  The conversation primarily revolved around work, growing up, and the like--normal first date conversation, but there just wasn't any warmth about it.  


We ordered a couple of glasses of wine and some food.  He ordered sushi and I ordered a grilled chicken flat bread.  I thought both seemed pretty date friendly food.  When my plate arrived, however, BOY was I wrong.  There was a mound of uncooked spinach on top of a flat bread that wasn't completely cut into pieces.  So, every time I tried to eat the salad on top the flat bread moved around the plate.  We both commented on how challenging it was going to be for me to try and eat this thing.  Then, there was the amount of red onion and olives....even if I had wanted to kiss Mr. Interview, it would've resulted in a breath disaster.  I bumbled through saying if I ended up with spinach on top of my head, it would be nice if he'd let me know.  


I will admit part of it was me.  I'm still a little down and out from the loss of my friend who was also the GM of my golf course.  We talked about that briefly and he was surprised and interested in that I ran a golf course on a day to day basis.  Then, we started talking about how that's not what I really want to be doing.  I want to be working for a multi-national corporation doing marketing research and analysis specifically pertaining to China.  Yes, I am very specific (this is also what every job search guru says to be) and yes, I am not in the greatest market--NYC or San Fran might be better, but I love NC and want to live either here or in China.  A little extreme, but that's me.  It was nice of him to offer suggestions, but he also said with China now being the 2nd largest economy, how can you not get a job?  I've thought the same damn thing.  And I don't know--maybe it's me; maybe it's the economy; maybe it's both.  Just didn't want to have the same conversation that I've had in my head for the past a year and a half again without concrete suggestions like I know so and so, you should talk to them.  This is way TOO much to ask of a first date, I know.  


This is also why I still keep going back for more with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy along with the ability to have word vomit.  After our first date, he knew someone with contacts at Electrolux and forwarded my name and resume.  Too much to expect, but unexpectedly very helpful and nice.  Speaking of, Mr. Non-Divorce Guy has asked me to go to a football game on Nov. 20.  WOW--talk about long range plans...maybe by then, we'll be able to do the wild thing as he divorced will be finalized.


So, another resounding NEXT...got another date tonight...

Overeagerness is NOT attractive - Part 2

A while back prior to Overeagerness is NOT attractive aka Mr. Grenada, the same girlfriend and I were out at the Epicenter in Charlotte.  We were having drinks, chatting, and lounging on these comfy love seats they have at Mez.  A friend of a friend of my friend was there and started chatting us up.  He was cute and again, I was hoping he would have cute friends and again, alas he didn't.  He did, however, have Jimmy.  Jimmy is about 5'5" (that's being generous) and was convinced he was one of the most connected men in Charlotte.  That might or might not be the case, but who goes around talking about it?


Jimmy and I are introduced.  Immediately, Jimmy asks how in the world I can be single.  I hate this question as most single people do.  In fact, it is #3 in the top 19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person on MSN.  Maybe, I'm too picky; maybe, I just haven't found "him" yet; bottom line, I'm not sure.  I think I'm wonderful but I haven't found a special someone that I think is wonderful back.  


I digress.  Jimmy proceeds to go on and on that he is going to convince me to marry him by the end of the night.  SAY WHAT!?  I think to myself you are short, overeager, and clearly is too big for his britches--why would I ever be interested...YUCK!  Somehow, my friend and I are unable to get away from Jimmy and Jimmy keeps berating me with how I'm beautiful, so worldly, and so shouldn't be single.  This lasts until 3am.  Again, I'm an idiot and give the correct phone number.  (Why do I do this?)  I also make the fatal mistake of getting pizza with him afterwards.  At which point, he then starts trying to get me to go home with him.  Friend has already left with her then boyfriend.  


Compliments have certainly worked their charm on me before and have persuaded me to go home with boys that I wouldn't have usually go home with, but Jimmy and his talk of marriage has me literally contemplating maybe I don't ever want to marry ANYONE.  Mind you--at this point, I'm almost 30 (now I've already joined the club) and marriage is kind of looming in the background (why aren't I there yet, all of my friends are kind of head talk).  And this guy has made of scared of it!  So home I head wondering where are all the normal ones?


Next day, he calls, texts, and finds me on Facebook and tries to persuade to A) go out that Saturday night B) we are perfectly suited for each other.  I ignore the offers to go out but strangely accept the FB request.  Fast forward a few months, I see he is engaged about 6 months after the episode at the Epicenter.  How has he had time to meet, date, and get engaged in 6 months?  Man, he seriously was on a mission and really wasn't kidding with me.  Hmmmm...fast forward another 3 months, his FB status no longer says engaged and GUESS WHAT--he winks at me on Match.com.  WTF--I have officially come full circle.

The Anti-Date

I went out with a published author who wrote about manufacturing and China.  Considering that my passion has always been China, I thought, again (are you noticing that I really try to pick people with commonalities) this should at least be an interesting date and we'll have plenty to talk about.  I arrive at the tavern first and he comes in shortly after.  


We sit at the bar and order drinks.  Start chatting about his experience and his book.  Pretty interesting so far but then he starts to try and tap me for ideas about his second book.  By this time, I can tell his ego is a little too big.  Then, in mid-conversation, he starts chatting with other girls in the bar.  I'm a pretty friendly person and chatting it up with others especially while sitting at a bar is totally great...not however when I'm in mid-sentence.  And, he walks away to continue the conversation.  So, I start talking with the people around me and then, I see someone I know and haven't seen in forever, Phil.  Phil and I were friends from high school and strictly friends.  Haven't seen him in about 10 years and there's lots to chat about.  We're in mid-conversation when Mr. Author re-appears after having disappeared for 30 minutes.  


He looks put out like I've been ignoring him (hello, he walked away while I was mid-sentence).  I introduce the 2 of them and I try to include him in the conversation.  He walks away again--now ignoring me and my friend.  At this point, I tell Phil he's been one rude asshole and Phil suggests we go into the inside bar.  I find Mr. Author and tell him I'm heading inside.  He sort of shrugs and continues his diatribe to his new lady friends.  I chalk it up to another bad date and continue hanging out with Phil.  Later on, he comes inside to tell me he's heading out and again looks upset/pissed that I've been ignoring him.  Who does this guy think he is--you can ignore me but your ego gets bruised when the same happens to you?  Big Fat Whatever.

The Sneak Attacker

What happens when you date a virgin?  Although I'm not a virgin, I try not to discriminate against those that choose to remain a virgin until they get married.  Granted, I have run into very, very few of these type men.  Ok, let's be honest-I've only known one.  


At an event my family and I attend every year, I started to hear rumors that a certain someone was interested in me.  Of course, as a girl, I got pretty excited.  It's always flattering to hear that someone "likes" you.  It goes back to the check yes or no notes from elementary school.  My friends, however, warn me that he is a virgin.  I think, well maybe that will take some of the edge off the relationship.  Plus, there are other ways to play.  We start hanging out that week, hook up, and get along really well.  We don't live in the same city but in the same state and we exchange numbers.  


A couple of days after I get home, he calls.  Yippee!  We continue with nightly chats and then plan a weekend for me to come and visit.  I go and we have a great time.  In fact, he's so thoughtful, he gets tickets to a Christmas play.  Fast forward a couple of weeks and he comes and visits in my hometown and we go camping.  Again, a GREAT time!  Then, I go back to visit him.  Stay with me--there is a punch line.  During all these visits, we've hooked up but no sex which I'm fine with believe or not.  I've gotten my rocks off and so has he.  I think, well maybe this isn't so bad.  


It's Sunday afternoon of the visit and we're making out.  Pants come off and while, of course, I'm secretly wishing let's end this celibacy thing, I keep playing along.  Then I get the surprise of a life time especially at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  He is trying to poke me in the ass.  WHAT!  I jump back 5 feet and start to ramble and get word womit, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy.  What do you think you're doing? Maybe if it was 3am and I was wasted that could happen but not sober at 3pm.  And wait, wait, wait, I thought you were a virgin."  He replies he is a virgin.  I say, but you just tried to have anal sex with me????????  He then states that he is saving himself for his wife and giving his virginity to her on their wedding night as his special gift.  I think you actually think that fucking someone up the butt is saving oneself for marriage.  Huh? What?  


At this point, the mood is obviously ruined so I dress, pack, and get on the road.  I drive home still wondering how one can consider anal sex not real sex.  Plus, I'm pretty sure that most women would consider a man having a bunch of ass sex NOT A VIRGIN.  I'm also feeling slightly traumatized by having my butt almost sneak attacked.  


Our relationship had gone really well until the sneak attack.  Then, the phone calls stopped.  Of course, I ask/tell all of my friends about this curious episode and they agree what man thinks you can fuck an ass and still be a virgin.  It also becomes their most favorite of all of my stories.


Fast forward to the next year at the same annual event that we both attend every year...he tries to kiss my friend.  She says, "Whoa buddy, you hooked up with my best friend."  He states, "Yea, but she moved to fast for me."  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How in the hell could I have moved too fast when you tried to poke me in the ass?

Round 2: The Non-Divorced Guy and No, I don't mean Married Guy...

Now for round 2,  meet the Mr. Divorced Analyst Creative (Mr. DAC).  He's writing a book and yet a numbers guy.  I'm a big fan of people that are able to use both sides of the brain primarily because I wish I was one.  Again, we have similar values, yada yada.  We have great conversations via email and on the phone.  In fact, after the 1st date, he's offered to put me in touch with his colleague to help me find a job.  Winner, right?!  Second date goes great as well even though I tend to speak more of mind than usual. A couple of drinks deep, I state you're not divorced yet and therefore, there will be basically be no emotional attachment from me until you are.  I'm hoping I said it with a little more tact but I doubt it...  The rest of the night continues with those conversations you don't want to end.

I amazingly get asked out on the 3rd date (somewhat of a surprise after open mouth insert foot comments from date 2) which is usually a maker or breaker.  I meet him at his house which he used to share with his former wife.  It was a little strange but I was in and out.  We have a lovely time at dinner and then have drinks afterwards.  While having beers, he mentions we should definitely plan on going to a football game this fall.  I think I must be doing something right--making plans for the fall already...I'm still not sure about our next date yet.  Then, Mr. DAC states we should no longer make out (even though we have in the past) and he wants to make sure that I'm not confused by the status of our "relationship".  Again, I state I know you're not divorced but I enjoy your company and that's that.  

He then proceeds to flirt and steal kisses the rest of the night.  Mixed signals but whatever...it gets late and driving home for me is no longer an option.  We order pizza and go back to his place, eat, and go to sleep.  I wake up in the morning, go to the bathroom, go to the kitchen for water, and what do I see on his refrigerator: his wedding pic with his former wife.  Not just one picture but 2 pictures.  I walk back through the house and then notice that some of her clothes are still there and her heels.  Note: I was NOT snooping they were in plain view at the foot of the guest bed.  Quickly, I get dressed and am now thinking what have I gotten myself into....he's not over his wife and I have GOT TO GO NOW.   As I'm hurriedly trying to get myself out the door, he says, "Wait, huh, where are you going? Don't you want to have breakfast together?" I say, "No, gotta go to the lake and have brunch with my parents."    

I know I have set myself up for failure on this one, but really, you're in the divorce process, you're bringing women to your home, and you still have your marriage pictures up and her clothes and heels are displayed like she still lives there.  I appreciate it if you're not ready to date;  divorce is very difficult--most of family has had one, but know yourself well enough to heal before trying to move on.  Of course as I write all of that, I'm still not sure what I'll do if I get asked on a fourth date...despite being creeped out.