Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Most hilarious of all is that most of the stories come from the online dating sphere which adds a certain unexpected element...

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The What-ifs

Last night, I attended a networking event for my pseudo-high school.  I say pseudo because I only attended boarding school for 1 year and it was an awful year.  Looking back and after the event, I sometimes wonder if I should have completed high school there.  One might ask if it was so awful, why am I wondering about the "what if"?  Not to sound hoity-toity, but it's a very impressive school in New England--presidents have gone there, people that cure cancer have gone there, people that have started big time relief organizations have gone there.

So why was it awful?  I am a born and bred North Carolinian and moving to New England was SERIOUS culture shock.  I was 15, awkward, depressed, and (again) dealing with this seriously different culture.  Plus, in 95/96, New England had one of the worst winters it had ever seen.  Needless to say, being from NC, I don't do feet upon feet of snow very well.  I could NOT understand why I was forced to go to class when there were 25 foot snow drifts all over campus...not to mention the foot or two of snow I had to wade through to get to class.  The irony--I chose to go to boarding school.  

It started with the summer before 9th grade.  I went to a boarding school in Switzerland for the summer between 8th and 9th grade to learn French.  It was amazing--the school was on Lake Lugano, in between Italy and Switzerland. 

Not so bad, huh?  I returned to the US after the experience even more depressed with my 14 year old life. Plus, I met this amazing 19 year old half Italian man that was hot who told me if I was older, he would wisk me away (ahhh, the men of our youth).  So, I announced to my parents that fall/winter that I was moving back to Lugano to go to high school and they said, "Yea, right."  Persistence has been the blessing and bane of my existence.  I began to research and thought, ok, if I can't go to Switzerland, I'll find another boarding school with Chinese (this has been my passion since I was 10).  I found the only school, at the time, that offered Chinese on the East Coast.  I applied and got in--I can be a smarty pants after all ;)

In the fall of 95, we drove to New England and as we got on campus, I lost all my steam and started shitting my pants.  What had a I done!  Between many pints of ice cream, lots of junk food, and buying a CD a day,  I got through the year.  In the words of my mother, I had signed a contract and was going to complete what I had started--you are not a quitter.  

So why am I rambling about something that happened 15 years just got me to thinking.  Would I be better off if I had completed high school there?  Would I have done more, accomplished more, and be more influential now?  Those thoughts, of course, led to thoughts of what if other things had turned out differently:

What if I had married College BF #2 (of course, impossible as he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday)
What if I had married BF post-college and not moved back to NC
What if I had gone to UNC like a good little Carolina girl
What if I had moved to China after college and taught English
What if I had married the Colonel
What if I had married High School BF
What if, what if, what if....

Ok, enough what ifs, I truly have no regrets and have led in some ways an AMAZING life.  I have always followed my heart and my passions even if its taken some ass backward ways like living in a farm house in the middle of BFE North Carolina.  It's just curious sometimes to wonder and ponder...

As a side note, did you notice that almost all of the what ifs had to do with marriage/men? How utterly stupid and telling of a single 30-something...blah.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh...New England winters were brutal. The shoveling of the snow, the plows up and down the street. I grew up just outside of Boston, went to private school and actually took my SAT's at the very boarding school you're talking about (I think.) I can remember feeling completely intimidated by the surroundings and the people. The kids there felt so much more mature, more worldy, etc. When I was there I felt small.

    I went to an all girl's school and I always wonder if my life would have been different if I had gone to the public co0ed school. Would it have changed how I interacted with men, would I have been better at flirting, etc. I'm one fo those "there's a plan" people so when I have those thoughts I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. Then I just try to get out of my own way.


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