Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Most hilarious of all is that most of the stories come from the online dating sphere which adds a certain unexpected element...

Hilarious Profiles


Hilarious!  This was in my Quiver on  

SWM in boring job seeks whiny shrew for co-dependency, tepid sex, and shouting matches. I enjoy drinking, petty theft, pornography, and self-righteous indignation. I like to run with scissors. I love to give compliments that prominently display my gender stereo-types. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. For fun, I enjoy browsing other people's profiles and making shallow judgments about their employment, and social skills. Everything I need to know about life I got from watching Jerry Springer. In my free time I have written a thesaurus that included an emphasis on the most useful curses. I would kill to win the Nobel Peace prize. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless statistics, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.

YOU: You are a man-hating, bitter shrew with a misplaced sense of entitlement and utopic expectations. Over time you will blame me and grow hostile when I don't fulfill every need you've ever had. Bonus points if you just finished dating every guy in town but now want to take your time with me. My perfect night would include getting hammered in a sh*ty bar while you flirt with seedy old drunks, followed by a loud screaming match and culminating in an ashtray blow to the head - yours or mine, it doesn't really matter. I would be open to an unsatisfying fling but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into alcoholism and pills. Age unimportant, but I often condescend to women under 22 and rehash mother issues with women over 43. Serious replies only, please.

This was in my Daily 5 from Match.  Really does their algorithm think we'd get along?  I hope not.  Even more scary--he has a CHILD!!

In His Own Words

I am king of my castle and I want a woman to git me a beer after she mows the yard.I expect yes sir and no sir when spoke to. Everything should be done for me, draw me a bath, cook,clean, wash .My woman will also have to have a job to support me.My happiness shall be her desire.
What I like to do:I like to git-r- done!
My hot spots:Anywhere they serve alcohol.Strip bar will work .I hangout anywhere there is women .
A few of my favorite things:Walker Texas Ranger, A- Team,Beavis and Butthead . I like anything greasy to eat. 

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