Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Most hilarious of all is that most of the stories come from the online dating sphere which adds a certain unexpected element...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

When the lies slip out

It's not that I meant to lie; it just slipped out.  Last night, I had drinks with Mr. Non-Divorced Non-Drinker or Mr. Sprite.  It was all in all a pretty good date.  He made me feel comfortable for the most part.  He was chatty but not overly so.  We laughed a lot about other dates we have had.  We seemed to have similar backgrounds and some similar interests.  He is definitely more artsy than I am.  Who am I kidding....everyone is more artsy than I am.  He's really into making music, photography, and graphic design.  These things are great.  I am just totally unable to do anything of them with any sort of success or enjoyment.

So where did the lie slip out?  I asked why he didn't drink.  He said, "I quit first of all and second, he couldn't if he wanted to as he was on some medicine to get his cholesterol under control." I think, personally, the "I quit" statement is a bit of a red flag as (to me) it indicates at some point there was a problem.  The cholesterol mom and brother are cholesterol drugs and they still drink.  I've also never dated anyone, knowingly, that had what I consider "older people issues".  I guess these are things you get used to in dating the 40 plus set, but I digress.

He asked, "Is this a problem for you?"  This is when the lie slipped out because I said, "No, given your personality and approach, it's not a problem."  It wasn't a TOTAL lie as Mr. Sprite's personality was not condescending and negative like the Water Guy.  He was totally ok with me drinking.  The lie is it is a problem.  I hate that it is and I wish deep down I didn't feel that way.  But here's why I do: 

  1. What if I get wasted, he won't be and will remember all of the idiotic things I do perfectly.  ICK!  I take great comfort in that on most occasions my friends/family end up drinking as much as I do so we both do some stupid shit and can all laugh later together.
  2. Making out in bars (yes, I am TOO old to do this but I want the option).  Making out with a sober someone isn't very likely to happen.  I don't really mean full fledge getting it on but stealing kisses, flirting, and so on.  I guess I drink on some level to reduce inhibitions...sue me.
  3. My family likes to drink (this is looking way far ahead and unrealistic, I know).  If I brought someone home who didn't partake, they would think I should go to the looney bin and he should already be there.  My friends fall in this category too.  Again, ridiculous, if someone is making a "healthy" choice, it shouldn't be a problem
  4. Word vomit - We all know I like I ramble and talk a fair amount.  I would always feel like I'm censoring myself on some level if he was sober.  Some of shit I say doesn't make sense when I've had too many cocktails, but generally, other drunk people understand.  Yes, this is stupid, again sue me.
  5. Crazy drunk sex.  You can't have this with a sober partner.
So, none of my reasons are very good...I'm willing to admit that.  However, it's still an issue. What makes this even more ironic is that I didn't drink until college.  I was totally content being stone cold sober in high school while all of my friends and boyfriends were wasted.  They didn't have a problem with me; so why do I have problem in the reverse?  Don't know.

Mr. Sprite also seemed to be a little too willing to talk about feelings on a first date.  There was a little too much information about his recent separation which I appreciate but.....  I certainly don't want a non-emotional man but don't want an overly emotional man either.  Hello, I am the girl.   Guess, the word vomit wouldn't be that much of an issue.  Now that's I've talked in circles, I'll end with a quote:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day”


  1. As someone who doesn't drink (ps...depending on how he said "quit" it might or might not be a red flag)...I personally tell me I don't drink...anymore ( I have this weird thing where I need it to be known that it's not that I've never's that I had to stop)...when they ask why...I tell them "I'm too much fun". Obviously I quit because I had a drinking problem...but then again...I'm the one waking up with no hangovers who's got the problem now bitches? What? (hopefully that came out as funny as I was aiming for :P)

    But anyways...problem 1 and 2 though valid...depend a lot on the non-drinking person...I personally would make out in a nightclub if the case may be (and I don't like PDAnything)...and number one...while shit I barely remember what I did two hours ago let alone the night before to make fun of someone...

    Number 3...I hate to say it...and I'd give them an initial grace period to absorb and modify their behaivor/expectations...but honestly if you're friends and family actually had a REAL problem with you dating someone who didn't drink...they are really is that simple...but I'd bet they deserve more credit then you're giving them...give em a chance

    4. I don't really see this as a huge problem...

    5. Alas...this is the only thing I really miss...but like everything else...with a little work you'd be surprised at what you can make happen (and not feel like vomitting afterwards:P)

  2. Just came across your blog and read a few posts and love it! I’ve just started (it’s a work in progress for sure) a new blog about being a singleton in my 30s. Would love to follow you and hope you do the same! You can find me at:



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