Been MIA for way too long

Obviously, I haven't posted in quite a while, but to be honest, all I do now is work.  I really thought work (or more accurately a job I hoped for, dreamed for, and ultimately got) would provide a total sense of self.  And it has to some degree.  When I was working for my family, I had little sense of self-worth in the professional way.  It's amazing how much a job defines you.  So, I thought when I achieved that part, the rest would follow.  And, it hasn't.

I really enjoyed blogging too, but that has also suffered with conference calls almost every evening between the hours of 7pm to 10pm.  You might wonder why I have calls at this hour, but I handle the Chinese and Japanese markets and they are exactly 12 and 13 hours the reverse of EST time.  My weekends have, therefore, become a haven of undisturbed me time.  The consequence is that I am overly tired and basically want to sleep the entire time.  The irony is that for the most part I like my job...I just want some balance, but I am unsure how to achieve it.  Working from home a couple days a week would help, but it wouldn't give back my social life during the week.

So, no hilarious stories to share, but I think I have a date tomorrow night with a Global Expansion Consultant who's first message on Ok Cupid was:

"I love the idea of lying on the couch with my girlfriend, asking "what do you want to do today?" and the answer being, "let's just go to the airport and decide there."

If that isn't my idea of perfection, I don't know what is.  So fingers crossed, it will be a great date and maybe the start of something more or at least a reboot of "My So-Called Dating Life".

Seriously, seriously

So due to the new job and holidays, I haven't exactly been flush with dates.  However, there has also been a SERIOUS decline in the quality of men on Match and Okcupid.  Then, there was that lapse back to the Old Loves.  Haven't heard much of anything from him except he wrote a letter to my parents.  Yep, that's right--he wrote to my parents stating that they were more like family than dear friends.  Sort of begs the question--is he really attracted to me or the fam?  So, I wrote him a letter (yes, handwritten) in return detailing my frustration of ten years of playing games.  I was bitchy or at least not terribly so.  What's also ironic is that he and I are featured front and center in my family's annual picture calendar in November.  Why is he already part of the fam but not with me???  I digress....back to the funny, sad, disturbing photos of some of the men checking me out lately...not exactly what I'm looking for as you will likely be able to tell...onto the picture show!

love the mullet!

is that almost his weeny??

yep, almost got a full frontal...eeekkkk!!!!

well, Guido doesn't do it for me either

So back to the game...on a side note, I went out with Non-Divorced guy before Christmas and actually told him about Mr. Big.  Funny thing--he's still asking me out.  Go figure.

From Even Further Away

That's right y'all!  I got favorited on Okcupid.com by a guy from Greece!  After my New to NOLA...but I live in Charlotte post, I just had to post this.  This guy favorited me from over 5000 miles away~he's 25 too.  Talk about the definition of a long-distance relationship.  Again, I'll reiterate that all of my online profiles explicitly state:  "I'm also not looking for a pen pal. It seems like a lot of times conversations on here end up in email or text purgatory."

New to NOLA but I live in Charlotte?

Funny thing, I live in Charlotte...so why is he contacting me and writing such a lengthy email when he lives in New Orleans??? Never been a fan of long distance relationships in general, but starting one as long distance just seems absurd.  Eharmony, it has always seemed to me to be a proponent of long distance and moving/traveling great distances to find the person that meets their 27 dimensions of compatibility.  I think this, personally, is (albeit perhaps possible to find love) kind of unsafe.  There aren't enough emails, phone calls, or Skype calls that can give you utter assurance that whom you will meet will be normal and not scary.  Of course, all online dates are this way.  There is always an element of "shit, am I going to be meeting a stalker/rapist/killer" when I go out on any online date.  If I immediately get his feeling from emails/calls, I, obviously, don't go.  


What's more strange is that since I've turned 30, I've received more winks, been viewed by, and gotten emails from people that do not live in the Charlotte or even NC area.  Does the fact that I've reached the "about to be a spinster" age mean that all of a sudden I am so desperate I will take on a long distance relationship just for a remote feel of having a boyfriend?  I don't think so.  I want someone who is real, whom I can touch, whom is there to snuggle with, go out with, stay home with; I do not want a pen pal.  So--do I even respond to this guy and ask why did you contact me, I live in Charlotte?

Match.com Message: New to NOLA

40, New Orleans, LA Seeking Female 29-48 Thirst for Adventure & Knowledge I am a world traveler who is very down to earth. Volunteer around the Globe to help children born with congenital heart disease. I have a sharp wit, and great sense of humor. Love Adventure. Avid Snow Skier SCUBA Diver Sailor Looking for someone who wants to share my life and adventures with me . . . … Read more » From: NOLA MAN > / Received: November 02, 2010

New to NOLA Hello I am a medical professional new to NOLA. Educated, with a down to earth outgoing personality. Great sense of humor. Spend the last 2 years traveling the globe as a volunteer working in surgery fixing children’s hearts in third world countries. The International Children's Heart Foundation ( babyheart.org ) has been my passion. I trained and worked in Miami for 8 years. Prior to my travels, I worked in St. Petersburg - Tampa for 7 years, then quit my day job to teach around the globe. Currently, I have taken a job at Tulane University Medical Center, to help them restart their Pediatric Heart Surgery program. Since I have only met a few people at work, I thought I would give this internet thing a whirl ! Love adventure, avid snow skier & scuba diver. Want someone to share my adventures with . . . E nough about me and my job, I would really like to know more about you ? If you could choose anywhere in the world to travel where would you like to go ? Hope to hear from you, Michael

The Single Parent/Kid Factor

I've been MIA again but between my anxiety about hearing about a new job and the toothless fools that have been winking at me on Match, there just hasn't been much to say.  I still don't have news about the job except that I am their chosen candidate and the new department head that was just hired wants to meet with me prior to them extending an offer.  He can't meet until November 8th!!  My stomach has been in knots and I've been pacing a lot lately.  So, I continue my wait.  This, in turn, means that I can't do anything in terms of (finally) getting my own place, getting some new furniture (YAY!), and really (again) starting my adult life.  Of course, this is all I've been obsessing about for now 2 weeks.  I can't sleep because I literally dream of having my pseudo-adult life back.  I say pseudo because some would say that being 30 and not being married, not owning a home, and not having kids is only kind of being an adult or maybe that's what the voices in my head are telling me.  


As for the toothless fools that have been contacting me, well, they aren't all toothless but they sure are ugly.  Something about turning 30 on Match has drastically reduced the number of attractive men that contact me and subsequently the number of dates I am going on.  I have started talking to Mr. Dad.  He's 34 with 2 children whom are 4 and 8.  The thought of actually going on a date with this man scares me.  My over-analytical mind immediately goes into I am not old enough to be a stepmom.  Of course, this is not true especially in the society in which we live.  I have not, as of yet, dated anyone that has children.  Of course, as I get older, eventually it will likely happen that I do.  What's even more ironic is that my family is a culmination of many marriages with lots of kids from the previous marriages.  In fact, because I only want 1 little girl but want her to still have brothers and sisters (like me), it would seem logical that dating single parents would be a great answer.  I still have weird feelings about the "step" factor...you know the evil stepmother thing.  Not to mention, my experience with a step-parent has been interesting to say the least.  


The other interesting thing about Mr. Dad...he asked if we could be Facebook friends after chatting on the phone once.  AHHHH!  I hate being friends with dates on Facebook and not because I post anything particularly revealing.  It's typically just bad form and can lead to stupid stalking and reveals part of myself that I'm not quite ready to reveal.  I friended him too, but set the privacy settings so he only access to certain parts.  Guess we'll see how it goes.  We are supposed to chat about getting together next week assuming he doesn't back out because of what he sees on FB.  FML.

There is no "I" in "We"

I've been pondering a lot lately about relationships, dating, etc but mostly about the relationship part.  Yes, this is a big fat duh considering I blog about these things, but something has struck me recently.  I used to be the girl that always had a boyfriend and a serious one at that.  My first serious boyfriend was in high school.  We tried to make it work in college.  That obviously didn't work, but I already had someone lined up (yes, I was and/or maybe still am that girl).  College guy #1 was an emotional wreck as was I but he also hurt me and yes, I mean physically.  Fortunately, I was smart enough to walk away before anything really serious happened.  And again, another boyfriend appeared within weeks and we dated until after college when he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday.  I again had someone lined up to take his place and 3 weeks after the "birthday" break up, we were serious.  I even thought we would get married....we lived together and got along very well except in the bedroom.  But that's another story for another time.  Then, I moved home to North Carolina to go to grad school.


The point is I was almost always part of a "we" from the time I was 16 until I was 26.  During in the short period of times I was unattached in between those relationships, I dated (loosely used) and actually liked it.  I really liked meeting new people and having some random one nights stands.  I even liked it when I started doing online dating back in 2006.  Sure, it can be nerve wracking to meet a stranger and see what happens.  It's obviously NOT fun when the guys are douches most notably: The Water Guy and the Anti-Southerner.  But there have been some good dates; there, however, have been no boyfriends or engagements.  Which is ok--I'm not going to kill myself if I'm not married within the next year.  What the problem is is that I have forgotten totally forgotten how to even think of myself in a relationship or how to even react/consider the possibility.  I have gone into super selfish mode due to the lack of having to consider anyone at all in my decision making...other than my precious cocker, Fabian.  I don't even really consider the possibility of the dates I go on going anywhere or think about if they'll be a next date.  Normally, I've already scheduled dates for 2 weeks out so even if I met Mr. Wonderful and he wanted to spend the next several nights together it would take serious rearranging.  Not trying to brag--it actually shows an inability to connect emotionally or that I'm extraordinarily picky.  I wonder if subconsciously I've started to consider the dating game solely a numbers game.  The whole you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find the prince mentality.  I'm not particularly sure how to get out of this rut and mentality.  I thought writing would help me process, but alas I'm still lost.

When They Come Back Around

I was seeing this guy, Mr. Tech, back in the Spring.  We had a good first date, a great 2nd date, and an amazing 3rd date.  The 2nd and 3rd date involved being introduced to his friends.  One would think things were going swimmingly.  His friends loved me--not trying to brag, I liked them too.  The 3rd date was a Saint Patty's Day Crawl.  We had a great time.  I didn't drink myself into oblivion which was a feat.  We ended up back at his house, lounged together, napped together, and made out some.  Unfortunately, my little friend was around, so it was pretty G rated.  The only awkwardness was I had to tell him as he tried to get into my pants.  Now, I'm not sure if my blurting out I was on the rag was what cause things to go sour, but how else do you let someone know?  Let them figure it out for themselves when they find the string--I think NOT!  


So the 3rd date lasted around 12 hours.  It was a great 12 hours.  We stole kisses at the bar and had a great time hanging out with his friends.  So what happened?  I texted him on actual Saint Patty's Day and got no response.  And never heard from him again....until TODAY.  He did "The Fade".  Things going well and then RADIO SILENCE.  I wasn't overly disappointed. I didn't think he was my soul mate but I enjoyed his company.  I am guilty of the fade...so I don't get too worked up when it happens to me.  However, when they randomly 6 months later contact you (ie wink at you) on Match.  What is the deal?  Did he get back with an old girlfriend, start talking to his ex-wife again, WTF??  Will keep you posted if he contacts me back.  I just had to send an email--more out of curiosity than anything.  Email was:


Subject:  How ya been stranger
Body:  Hope you had a good summer.
Lee


What's even funnier is that I've seen him randomly on Match but then his profile is hidden again.  How do I know he randomly reveals his profile, you might ask, he picked me as one of his "Favorites".  One minute he'll be listed and then later that day vanished.  Gotta love online dating!

A Whole Bunch of Women and a Nap

Consistently finding yourself in rooms full of women is probably not the best way to try and meet a man.  However, this is the situation I've been finding myself in a lot lately.  Between the Junior League, the Symphony Guild, and a Women's Retreat with my mom, I have been surrounded by large groups of women.  This is not to say that I don't enjoy spending girl time.  It's just it's been a bit much lately.  I'm more in need of the one on one type of connection or the let's get crazy and flirt some.  Fortunately, thanks to my WONDERFUL girlfriends, I will be experiencing both this coming weekend.  


Ironically, I joined the Junior League and Symphony Guild to expand my social circle and half-assed hoped I'd meet some new men.  However, men do not hang out in these type situations (Duh, I know).  I did think that with friends of friends, family members, whatever that it might be possible.  Most everyone, however, is already married and doesn't know any singles.  And I am NOT into breaking up marriages.  As pointed out by a younger friend of mine, even if your friends know people and even suggest that you should date them, it normally doesn't work out.  Why--usually an introduction isn't made.  This is NOT something I've experienced personally.


As for my dating life, I had 2 dates last week.  The first seemed full of potential.  We had a great phone conversation (I didn't want to get off the phone after an hour--this is unheard of), he loved sports, worked in sports, similar backgrounds.  He was fun to talk to--what a novel idea!  Then we met.  I know I probably sound like I'm starting to whine and/or my "list of requirements" is unreasonable and/or I'm just too picky. Whatever--his teeth were BUSTED.  I couldn't stop staring at them.  Plus, he clucked when he talked.  That did not occur on the phone, FYI.  So even though I was interested in what he was saying, I couldn't concentrate because of the shit going on in his mouth.  Plus, it's the 21st century; there is no excuse for bad teeth.  NEXT!


The second was similar in terms of we'd talked on the phone and it went really well.  The date went really well too despite some of my own shortcomings....I've been swamped at work.  I'm trying to figure out 5 years of inventory crap and I'm NOT an accountant.  I'm swimming in spreadsheets and trying to compare figures all day every day.  Fine, work sucks.  Last Thursday, I come home from work around 530pm.  I sit down on the couch and next thing I know I wake up at 640pm.  I'm supposed to be at the restaurant at 7pm and it takes 15-20 minutes to get there.  I haven't re-applied makeup, changed, nothing, plus I'm feeling confused as I just woke up and it takes me 5 minutes to realize where I have to be.  I text him and say I'm running late--won't be there til 715pm.  He says fine, no problem.  I manage to pull myself together, look reasonably cute, and arrive at 710pm.  Yes, I am awesome and no, I didn't get a speeding ticket.  But when I arrive, I am discombobulated, numbers are still swimming in my head, and start babbling about work.  He is getting his Master's in Accounting, however, so he was interested in my non-sense about inventory.  Overall, the date went really well once I got it together and had a glass of wine.


At the end, he asked twice if I'd like for him to call again.  I said yes definitely.  Here's hoping there's a 2nd date with this one.  But after my lackluster initial performance, who knows?


Have another date Wednesday night....

When the lies slip out

It's not that I meant to lie; it just slipped out.  Last night, I had drinks with Mr. Non-Divorced Non-Drinker or Mr. Sprite.  It was all in all a pretty good date.  He made me feel comfortable for the most part.  He was chatty but not overly so.  We laughed a lot about other dates we have had.  We seemed to have similar backgrounds and some similar interests.  He is definitely more artsy than I am.  Who am I kidding....everyone is more artsy than I am.  He's really into making music, photography, and graphic design.  These things are great.  I am just totally unable to do anything of them with any sort of success or enjoyment.


So where did the lie slip out?  I asked why he didn't drink.  He said, "I quit first of all and second, he couldn't if he wanted to as he was on some medicine to get his cholesterol under control." I think, personally, the "I quit" statement is a bit of a red flag as (to me) it indicates at some point there was a problem.  The cholesterol issue...my mom and brother are cholesterol drugs and they still drink.  I've also never dated anyone, knowingly, that had what I consider "older people issues".  I guess these are things you get used to in dating the 40 plus set, but I digress.


He asked, "Is this a problem for you?"  This is when the lie slipped out because I said, "No, given your personality and approach, it's not a problem."  It wasn't a TOTAL lie as Mr. Sprite's personality was not condescending and negative like the Water Guy.  He was totally ok with me drinking.  The lie is it is a problem.  I hate that it is and I wish deep down I didn't feel that way.  But here's why I do: 

1. What if I get wasted, he won't be and will remember all of the idiotic things I do perfectly.  ICK!  I take great comfort in that on most occasions my friends/family end up drinking as much as I do so we both do some stupid shit and can all laugh later together.
2. Making out in bars (yes, I am TOO old to do this but I want the option).  Making out with a sober someone isn't very likely to happen.  I don't really mean full fledge getting it on but stealing kisses, flirting, and so on.  I guess I drink on some level to reduce inhibitions...sue me.
3. My family likes to drink (this is looking way far ahead and unrealistic, I know).  If I brought someone home who didn't partake, they would think I should go to the looney bin and he should already be there.  My friends fall in this category too.  Again, ridiculous, if someone is making a "healthy" choice, it shouldn't be a problem
4. Word vomit - We all know I like I ramble and talk a fair amount.  I would always feel like I'm censoring myself on some level if he was sober.  Some of shit I say doesn't make sense when I've had too many cocktails, but generally, other drunk people understand.  Yes, this is stupid, again sue me.
5. Crazy drunk sex.  You can't have this with a sober partner.

So, none of my reasons are very good...I'm willing to admit that.  However, it's still an issue. What makes this even more ironic is that I didn't drink until college.  I was totally content being stone cold sober in high school while all of my friends and boyfriends were wasted.  They didn't have a problem with me; so why do I have problem in the reverse?  Don't know.

Mr. Sprite also seemed to be a little too willing to talk about feelings on a first date.  There was a little too much information about his recent separation which I appreciate but.....  I certainly don't want a non-emotional man but don't want an overly emotional man either.  Hello, I am the girl.   Guess, the word vomit wouldn't be that much of an issue.  Now that's I've talked in circles, I'll end with a quote:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day”

Awkward Food and the Interview Date

My first date after a 3 week hiatus was...umm...more like than interview than a date.  We hugged when we met and when we left but everything in between felt similar to an interview.  The conversation primarily revolved around work, growing up, and the like--normal first date conversation, but there just wasn't any warmth about it.  


We ordered a couple of glasses of wine and some food.  He ordered sushi and I ordered a grilled chicken flat bread.  I thought both seemed pretty date friendly food.  When my plate arrived, however, BOY was I wrong.  There was a mound of uncooked spinach on top of a flat bread that wasn't completely cut into pieces.  So, every time I tried to eat the salad on top the flat bread moved around the plate.  We both commented on how challenging it was going to be for me to try and eat this thing.  Then, there was the amount of red onion and olives....even if I had wanted to kiss Mr. Interview, it would've resulted in a breath disaster.  I bumbled through saying if I ended up with spinach on top of my head, it would be nice if he'd let me know.  


I will admit part of it was me.  I'm still a little down and out from the loss of my friend who was also the GM of my golf course.  We talked about that briefly and he was surprised and interested in that I ran a golf course on a day to day basis.  Then, we started talking about how that's not what I really want to be doing.  I want to be working for a multi-national corporation doing marketing research and analysis specifically pertaining to China.  Yes, I am very specific (this is also what every job search guru says to be) and yes, I am not in the greatest market--NYC or San Fran might be better, but I love NC and want to live either here or in China.  A little extreme, but that's me.  It was nice of him to offer suggestions, but he also said with China now being the 2nd largest economy, how can you not get a job?  I've thought the same damn thing.  And I don't know--maybe it's me; maybe it's the economy; maybe it's both.  Just didn't want to have the same conversation that I've had in my head for the past a year and a half again without concrete suggestions like I know so and so, you should talk to them.  This is way TOO much to ask of a first date, I know.  


This is also why I still keep going back for more with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy along with the ability to have word vomit.  After our first date, he knew someone with contacts at Electrolux and forwarded my name and resume.  Too much to expect, but unexpectedly very helpful and nice.  Speaking of, Mr. Non-Divorce Guy has asked me to go to a football game on Nov. 20.  WOW--talk about long range plans...maybe by then, we'll be able to do the wild thing as he divorced will be finalized.


So, another resounding NEXT...got another date tonight...

Overeagerness is NOT attractive - Part 2

A while back prior to Overeagerness is NOT attractive aka Mr. Grenada, the same girlfriend and I were out at the Epicenter in Charlotte.  We were having drinks, chatting, and lounging on these comfy love seats they have at Mez.  A friend of a friend of my friend was there and started chatting us up.  He was cute and again, I was hoping he would have cute friends and again, alas he didn't.  He did, however, have Jimmy.  Jimmy is about 5'5" (that's being generous) and was convinced he was one of the most connected men in Charlotte.  That might or might not be the case, but who goes around talking about it?


Jimmy and I are introduced.  Immediately, Jimmy asks how in the world I can be single.  I hate this question as most single people do.  In fact, it is #3 in the top 19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person on MSN.  Maybe, I'm too picky; maybe, I just haven't found "him" yet; bottom line, I'm not sure.  I think I'm wonderful but I haven't found a special someone that I think is wonderful back.  


I digress.  Jimmy proceeds to go on and on that he is going to convince me to marry him by the end of the night.  SAY WHAT!?  I think to myself you are short, overeager, and clearly is too big for his britches--why would I ever be interested...YUCK!  Somehow, my friend and I are unable to get away from Jimmy and Jimmy keeps berating me with how I'm beautiful, so worldly, and so shouldn't be single.  This lasts until 3am.  Again, I'm an idiot and give the correct phone number.  (Why do I do this?)  I also make the fatal mistake of getting pizza with him afterwards.  At which point, he then starts trying to get me to go home with him.  Friend has already left with her then boyfriend.  


Compliments have certainly worked their charm on me before and have persuaded me to go home with boys that I wouldn't have usually go home with, but Jimmy and his talk of marriage has me literally contemplating maybe I don't ever want to marry ANYONE.  Mind you--at this point, I'm almost 30 (now I've already joined the club) and marriage is kind of looming in the background (why aren't I there yet, all of my friends are kind of head talk).  And this guy has made of scared of it!  So home I head wondering where are all the normal ones?


Next day, he calls, texts, and finds me on Facebook and tries to persuade to A) go out that Saturday night B) we are perfectly suited for each other.  I ignore the offers to go out but strangely accept the FB request.  Fast forward a few months, I see he is engaged about 6 months after the episode at the Epicenter.  How has he had time to meet, date, and get engaged in 6 months?  Man, he seriously was on a mission and really wasn't kidding with me.  Hmmmm...fast forward another 3 months, his FB status no longer says engaged and GUESS WHAT--he winks at me on Match.com.  WTF--I have officially come full circle.

Marriage Minded--what?!

If this doesn't sound like a scam, I don't know what does.  Even more funny is that I've received this same email at least 3 times.  Therefore, I felt I just had to post...

marriagemindedx 56, Atlanta, GA Seeking Female 30-42 Gentleman Lawyer- Funny, Normal, Adventurous. Still A Believer In The Magic Of Romance, Chance, Fate And Adventure! MY PROFILE: I still believe in the magic of romance, chance and fate after my recent break up from someone who was not ready to move on with life although she may have believed so. Remember anything in life worth doing has some element of risk and I did my best for love but love and fate held out that my ex-girlfriend was not my right person. Perhaps you are to me but you will need… Read more » From: marriagemindedx < marriagemindedx@talkmatch.com > / Received: August 14, 2010

You are my match and simply adorable! My promise to myself for Summer 2010 was to change my profile to get off match and move on with my life now with my right person since I have ended an engagement with an exgirlfriend last summer. She was on match so I know there are quality women on this site. The challenge is to meet your match who is ready, willing and able to move on with their life with you and that can take time. She was 33 years old and age was never an issue with us. I am so very interested in your profile and you are very beautiful and very lovely. There is a proverb that all good things come to those who wait. I think it was written with you in mind :o) But I can't wait any longer with my teenage son going to college next year and so much more I want to do in life but have a vision of myself, among other things, as a married person. I can be the bestest friend in addition to possibly being your soul mate [may be just have been born a bit early on the universe time clock...LOL]; so please read my profile then call me for a friendly, no strings chat at 770-591-xxxx leaving a message with a good time and good phone number to call you back if you reach my voice mail. I hope you call me and just be open to a year of new beginnings!!! Cheers, Patrick

Pen Pal Purgatory

You know when you were little and got a pen pal.  It was fun.  I actually had several friends that I met on vacation with my parents in the Bahamas and we became GREAT friends all through the written word.  I am also still friends with one such childhood friend through Facebook.  Got to love Facebook for that reason alone.


In fact, I still truly enjoy writing hand written letters.  I think it is the most personal form of communication not involving touching.  I used to write letters to several friends and family members during MBA school as a way to procrastinate and it was wonderful getting them in return.  Clearly, in today's fast paced society, letters have been shoved by the wayside and email, twitter, facebook, IMing, and (a while back) myspace have replaced them.  I enjoy the new alternative forms of communication and use them regularly.  However, as I've mentioned previously, Facebook is not your dating friend.


I also believe that while dating sites can enable you to meet interesting people and perhaps a true love, they can also create a purgatory type situation.  Obviously, no one wants to go out with every person that happens to look at their profile including me, definitely me--cause some are NASTY.  Emailing one another enables you to in a way "get to know one another".  This usually leads to IMing or chatting on the phone.  Eventually, this should lead to a live, meet in person date.


Sometimes, however, this doesn't happen.  I've had several instances of the guy continuously emailing, getting my number, suggesting plans, but really, it continues into email and text purgatory.  Long emails, long texts or short email/texts with hey what's up?  Do some people join dating sites just to chat online and never meet in person?  Ick.

Boring Dates and Bad Habits

I had another date last Thursday with Mr. Boring.  We had emailed, chatted, and from his profile he seemed interesting enough:  into travel , experiencing new things, etc.  Upon first encounter, I thought holy crap, he looks exactly like a guy friend from college that was a friend with benefits occasionally.  For my college friends reading--not Jersey Lito but Virginia Jew.  I thought if he's anything like Virginia Jew, we'll have a fab time.  Then, he sat down and starting looking around...I mean everywhere but me.  There was virtually NO eye contact.  I hate this more than anything.  I am reasonably attractive and you asked me out, therefore, you should pay attention to me.  This is not too much to ask.


Then, there was the conversation.  I, personally, am really into stories (this is probably obvious since I write a blog full of them).  I like to hear other people's stories not just my own. I think it is not only entertaining but also usually offers insight into who that person is, where they came from, and what sort of commonalities we might have.  This guy had zero.  The only close call was him mentioning he hated going into downtown Charlotte because everyone tries to fight him there.  There wasn't anything to demonstrate that this was the case.  He just stated it as fact.  Frankly, I think that shows either you are extremely insecure or you're paranoid.  


He then mentions that he has to wake up at 4am on Friday mornings and therefore has to go to bed at 9pm.  Guess we're having a short date...why did you plan something for Thursday then?


Moving on, I come to find out his father passed away 5 years ago.  Not the greatest of topics to venture upon, but my father passed away when I was 3.  So, I think maybe this could be a commonality.  Again, nothing.  (Note:  I totally recognize that talking about the death of a loved one is A) not something you really want to talk about on a 1st date B) not something you want to talk with a stranger about C) I have a lot more years between the death and now --so I'm a little more open)


Then, exercise and sports come up.  He hates and does not participate in either.  Am I in the Twilight Zone here?  What guy doesn't like exercise or sports?  I am not an exercise fanatic by any stretch, but I enjoy hiking, dancing, and being active.  He basically stated he didn't like to get off the couch.  Huh-what?  Fortunately, for him, he has to have an amazing metabolism because he was pretty skinny.  And doesn't like sports????  What do you do in the Fall (football) and Spring (basketball--hello March Madness, my favorite)?  At this point, it is pretty clear we have nada in common.  Thank goodness he has to go to bed soon.


So, we leave.  It's 8pm and I'm hungry and very bored.  This is when the bad habits kick in.  If a date is particularly bad or boring, I usually take myself on a date immediately after.  Nothing fancy usually, but this can get to be expensive after a while.  So off to a local restaurant near my house I go and promptly order a glass of wine and dinner.  On some level, I suppose it is a good thing that I am comfortable enough to go out alone, but I hate having to treat myself after going on a date where I was supposed to be treated.  


Guess on to the next one that hopefully will not end with me dining solo.

I Washed My Hair for This

I went out with a guy on Monday and it was a pretty unremarkable date.  There wasn't any harassment like I received from Mr. Total Yankee Asshole  or The Water Guy.  This is obviously always a plus.  Getting ripped a new one about your religious beliefs or being told that your native region sucks is never fun.  Bad dates do, however, provide material for the blog and can sometimes give me a good laugh.  


Monday's date, like I said, was unremarkable.  He was a nice guy--very much the stereotypical engineer which he is.  Very tucked in collared shirt, nice pants, and pointy leather shoes.  


Back story:
I've been working to try to and get my family's business' network up and running since our building was struck by lightening on Saturday.  The lightening strike also knocked out and killed our AC.  I live in Charlotte--it's been 100 degrees since May.  So crawling around on the floor, playing with modems and cables, and re-setting up the local area network without AC has been AWFUL.  Needless to say, I had to shower before going on the date...so I washed my hair, blew it out, the whole nine yards.  I looked very pretty or at least I think so.


So for a date to be just ho-hum and me to have invested time in getting ready, I hate that.  I have another date tomorrow night and I have a feeling it's going to be rather bland as well.  I don't really have any basis for this conclusion.  The emails were pretty entertaining but the phone convo wasn't the best.  He's also an E-harmony match and I just don't have much confidence in their "matching" system.  So we'll see.  Just not particularly excited to A) go through another without AC resulting in me sweating to DEATH B) coming home to rectify the sweat damage by showering and blowing out my hair to result in an evening of general boredom....

Word vomit or Why I Like Non-Divorced Guy

I had my 4th date (or 5th depending if you count morning after breakfasts) with Non-Divorced Guy on Friday. We met at Flemings in downtown and chatted for over an hour before even ordering.  I love this about NDG.  We can talk and talk and talk some more.  I think this is why I keep coming back even though I've been told that we can no longer sleep together even though we already have and that the last time I was at his house I saw on his refrigerator: his wedding pic with his former wife and not just one picture but 2 pictures plus some of her clothes are still there and her heels.  Note: I was NOT snooping they were in plain view at the foot of the guest bed.


Both of these are pretty big drawbacks for me.  One--it's not nice to be an Indian giver and two--it would appear he has still not let go of his marriage.  On some level, I understand why he hasn't let go.  His wife came home in November and announced after 9 years of marriage that she no longer wanted a husband, house, or cat.  That would throw a major curve ball in my life plan too.  However, I'm not sure I would get back on the date train so soon or before the ink had dried on the divorce papers which doesn't happen until November.  I understand the natural inclination to get back in the saddle but...


The draw is the ability to have word vomit with this man.  He mentioned he was pretty certain after I high-tailed it out of there the last time we went out (after seeing his ex's shoes and clothes) that it would be the last time.  I proceeded to describe my NEED to escape after feeling like I was in another woman's house and that I was home wrecker.  I also went on to discuss how my former best friend of 29 years is a total bitch after...well that is another story.  All of the conversations we've had have been that way.  They just flow and I can literally talk about anything as can he without there being weirdness.  This has been what has always drawn me in while in other semi-successful relationships.  


I tend to not have a filter at all.  For example, when a great friend in college moved back to DC, I went over to see the new apartment and to meet her boyfriend (now husband).  He opened the door, I walked in, and with a very Southern drawl said, "Holy fuck, oh my shit balls."  Granted, it was an amazing apartment--lots of ornate woodwork, etc., but this was my first time meeting him!  If you ask my opinion, you get honesty--sometimes it's brutal.  That's just me.  I don't apologize for it nor do I want to change it.  It can make dating a little dicey though.  The fact that I can just totally be myself with NDG is a big draw despite the drawbacks.  


Another drawback: when we walked to the parking garage, he didn't walk me to my car.  I am a big girl and clearly capable of walking myself, but his M.O. has always been Southern gentleman to the max.  What happened?

Date Overload

My friends often make fun of me because I tend to have lots of dates--like 2 or 3 a week.  One married friend calls me out on it a lot.  Some are repeats; some are newbies.  I don't like to think of myself as a serial dater, but I suppose that on some level that is exactly what I am.  In fact, I don't want to be a serial dater.  I would like to find a boyfriend and have in progress into marriage, babies, white picket fence, the works.  I think however, I have forgotten a) how to be a girlfriend and b) how to have a relationship.  It should be something like riding a bike in that you never forget.  However, I'm pretty sure if I tried to ride a bike now, I would hurt myself.  So have I become a serial dater because I'm scared of getting hurt and I'm out of practice or because I just haven't met the right guy?  Hmmm...


So date overload for this week:


1.  Concert last night with super sweet boy that asked to kiss me last week.  Counting Crows was amazing!!  It also involved meeting his friends.  Given that I'm friendly and personable, apparently, I won big points in the friend department according to Mr. Sweet.  They are big fans.  I also got my shoulders rubbed while listening to the band and let me tell you--I REALLY miss this part of steady relationships.  Being touched and I don't mean in a sexual way is AWESOME.  I don't think my shoulders have been rubbed in...well what feels like forever.  Big points for Mr. Sweet!


2.  Date #4 with Non-Divorced Guy #2, Mr. DAC is tomorrow.  I'm still a little unsure of how in the hell to proceed with this one.  It will probably involve him telling me again that we shouldn't/can't make out and then him proceeding to make out with me all night.  At least this time, I won't have to see his future ex-wife's shit lying about which still totally freaks me out.


3.  Date with a newbie.  Meeting at a Wine bar in Charlotte on Monday.  Looking forward to it--emails are witty and humorous and don't go on and on about being an open book.  I kind of think if you have to say you're an open book then you're hiding something.  Guess it goes back to that whole SHOW don't TELL thing I mentioned in The Southern Gentleman or Not post.  


Even after just writing about these dates, I'm exhausted.  Wish me luck on my adventures!

The Southern Gentleman or Not

I have a great personality and am a southern gentleman. I def know how to treat a women in and out of the bedroom. 


In light of my last post on old-fashioned dating, I thought I would share my thoughts on the above line I received in an email.  What sort of proper Southern gentleman states he knows how to treat a woman in and out of the bedroom? Also, why do you have say this sort of thing?  Shouldn't this be something that one finds out over the course of time and after you've started to hooking up?  If you have to state this, I'm pretty confident you probably SUCK.  The same goes for stating you have a great personality.  I feel like this is something that should shown not told.  Maybe it was being told this one too many times in English class, but generally speaking, if you have to announce such things, they are likely not very true.


Ok, just had to rant.

Old Fashioned Dating: To be Picked Up or Not?

I have a 2nd date with a guy on Wednesday.  We're going to see the Counting Crows and Augustana.  I'm super pumped.  Not only is it a great idea for a second date, but I also like the bands.  


The first date went really well.  We met for drinks at a low key bar starting talking at 7pm and didn't finish (without awkward pauses, etc) until around 11pm.  He walked me to my car (very sweet) and then asked if he could kiss me (**swoon).  It was a sweet couple of peck kisses of sorts--certainly not anything to make my knees buckle, of course, but it was incredible to be asked to be kissed!  I don't think that's happened since high school especially the peck part.  I don't routinely get mauled by any means, but normally they swoop in wanted or not.

We talked about the concerts over the 1st date and then he texted Sunday to ask if I'd like to go.   I obviously said Yes!  He then offers to come and pick me up and drive us to the venue.  I text back that it's totally unnecessary as he lives on 1 side of town and I on the other and it would add an hour and half to the trip.  He replies he prefers the old fashioned way of dating and I can't get the whole Mr. Sweet dating experience unless he picks up me.  I reply: Very sweet but there's plenty of time for the whole experience in the future ;).  


This got me to thinking: First--how AWESOME that a guy is polite enough to offer to pick me up (again hasn't happened in a while); Second--I would never let a guy I met online pick me up on a second date; Third--my 21st century self has really ruined the romance part of dating.  


Although many of my dates and/or posts don't reflect it, I am a romantic at heart.  I want to be swept off my feet.  I want to be picked up and driven, given flowers, and experience the whole romantic notion of dating.  Dating online and crimes of the 21st century, however, have ruined many of those "fantasies".  Immediately, when I get offered to be picked up, I think are you a secret murderer, rapist i.e. will you harm me in some way.  Not exactly of which romance is made.  


So I'm still left with a couple questions: Can romance exist in online dating at least in the initial phases?  Am I being overly cautious?

How the Family factors into the equation

So, we all have family issues of one sort or another.  We love our families; we hate our families, but regardless, they are ours and we are stuck with them.  Fortunately, for me, my family is all and all pretty great.  We all like to have to a good time, we vacation together, we drink together. We tend to drink a lot together.  This is not to say all we do is drink...we talk a lot too.  They tend to go very well together at least I think.


What happens when a potential partners' family is a bunch of teetotallers?  In a similar vein as in my post, I Don't Drink - The Water Guy, I feel a little funny about dating someone whose family doesn't drink even when they drink.  I have never had the experience of dating someone seriously whom didn't drink or whose family didn't imbibe.  How do you break the ice at the first meeting if you can't have cocktails?  I am capable of carrying on conversation without booze, but if socializing is involved, I prefer for there to be drinks.


On some level, I think it is absurd to actually question wanting to get serious with someone just because their family doesn't drink, but I do.  I can't imagine spending holidays with a family sober.  What's the fun in that?  Also, the judging factor.  Most people that don't generally drink tend to be very religious and tend to think that those that do drink are less than, bad, from the devil, etc.   While I'm not anti-religious, organized religion is not particularly for me especially due to the judging nature characteristic of some religions.  


Spending a large portion of my life (this is obviously looking very far into the future) being judged because I drink and not being able to imbibe when with said future family is very unappealing.  A little less into the future, I think about wedding festivities: one side wasted; the other side sober watching and judging.  Not to mention, what if the sober side requested a dry wedding???  Ahhh--that's my own personal version of hell as well as my family's.  


Question--is it possible to date someone with a teetotalling family, remain sane, and have everyone get along?