And no response..

So if you read my last post, Seriously, Seriously, you know that I wrote a letter to The Colonel or my Mr. Big about a week ago.  Plenty of time, despite the horrendous snow we just received, for him to get the letter and respond.  Of course, as I should've known/guessed, I have not gotten a response.  Clearly, I am still pining a bit and hoping for a different outcome which does not make any sort of rational sense.  I hate that about relationships, liking someone, loving someone, etc.  They are not rational; feelings don't work the way you want them to despite any attempt to control them.  I do think you have some ability to control your level of happiness by focusing on positive thoughts and drugs help too ;)  The "like" or "love feeling, however, a bit more tricky.

With a positively boring weekend behind me...I was at home all weekend with my dog alone. Sad thing is I tried to make plans and I actually sabotaged my plans Friday night by falling asleep on the couch but I was exhausted.  Of course, when Saturday's plans fell through due to the flu of a friend and some serious car troubles of Non-Divorced guy, I wanted to kick myself for not getting the hell up on Friday.  There is nothing like being a single thirtysomething.  With the snow, I was snowed in yesterday and will be again today.  That's 4 days without much outside contact and way too much time to be alone with my thoughts.  This has led to some introspection especially regarding men.

What I've ruminated about is that I've almost always ended all of my relationships.  Then, afterwards, I wonder and/or pine about being with that person.  This is very much true with my last boyfriend in DC whom I found out this weekend got engaged over Christmas.  On one hand, in a very revenge-esque sort of way, yay for me for not being broke up with, but not really.  Or maybe, yay for me for recognizing deficiencies in relationships and acting accordingly or maybe, I really am a commitment-phobe.  This does lead back to full circle as Mr. Big is the one that has controlled and ended our relationship (if you can call it that) and maybe that's why I feel this sense of it not being complete and why I want it.  Ugh...

Some other funny thirtysomething things--I bought flowers for myself for the first time and felt at the same time pathetic and have really enjoyed them.

Part of the problem is is that I really thought by getting a job and moving into my own place, I would feel complete.  Yet, I still feel a sense of deficiency and not being complete.  Clearly, being in a relationship has its own issues and they are not all hunky dory.  Truth is, I am lonely and while my faithful pup, Fabes, is great,  he doesn't talk back.  This is, of course, more apparent as I haven't really had a conversation other than to say thanks to the grocery person in 2/3 days.  Ok, enough self pity and back to working from home alone....

The New Job

I've been at the new job almost 2 weeks.  It's been going...the learning curve is big and I'm struggling a bit.  As for my Mr. Big aka the Colonel, he has fallen off the grid.  It was to be expected though, but I HATE it!  I hate being rejected--don't we all....

He's not returning phone calls or emails at this point, my favorite, Radio Silence.  As a certain college roomie stated when I told her about Mr. Big-the return, he was totally unavailable back then and likely would be again.  And.....she was right again.  Hate it when that happens.  Why couldn't we just have had a wham, bam, thank you ma'am and he not mention all the lovey dovey crap?  One nighters, while not ideal, can work for me.  What can I say--it had been a while.  Just need to have that expectation out right...Boo.

What makes it more challenging is that Mr. Big involved the whole family--well not entire--only mom, dad, 2 sisters, and me.  There are a total of 6 brothers and sisters including me.  Still, it's a third and I know I'll be getting some pointed questions come Christmas time.  Annoying.

Not remembering all that lovey crap I wrote a week ago...

When They Come Back Around

I was seeing this guy, Mr. Tech, back in the Spring.  We had a good first date, a great 2nd date, and an amazing 3rd date.  The 2nd and 3rd date involved being introduced to his friends.  One would think things were going swimmingly.  His friends loved me--not trying to brag, I liked them too.  The 3rd date was a Saint Patty's Day Crawl.  We had a great time.  I didn't drink myself into oblivion which was a feat.  We ended up back at his house, lounged together, napped together, and made out some.  Unfortunately, my little friend was around, so it was pretty G rated.  The only awkwardness was I had to tell him as he tried to get into my pants.  Now, I'm not sure if my blurting out I was on the rag was what cause things to go sour, but how else do you let someone know?  Let them figure it out for themselves when they find the string--I think NOT!  


So the 3rd date lasted around 12 hours.  It was a great 12 hours.  We stole kisses at the bar and had a great time hanging out with his friends.  So what happened?  I texted him on actual Saint Patty's Day and got no response.  And never heard from him again....until TODAY.  He did "The Fade".  Things going well and then RADIO SILENCE.  I wasn't overly disappointed. I didn't think he was my soul mate but I enjoyed his company.  I am guilty of the fade...so I don't get too worked up when it happens to me.  However, when they randomly 6 months later contact you (ie wink at you) on Match.  What is the deal?  Did he get back with an old girlfriend, start talking to his ex-wife again, WTF??  Will keep you posted if he contacts me back.  I just had to send an email--more out of curiosity than anything.  Email was:


Subject:  How ya been stranger
Body:  Hope you had a good summer.
Lee


What's even funnier is that I've seen him randomly on Match but then his profile is hidden again.  How do I know he randomly reveals his profile, you might ask, he picked me as one of his "Favorites".  One minute he'll be listed and then later that day vanished.  Gotta love online dating!