When the lies slip out

It's not that I meant to lie; it just slipped out.  Last night, I had drinks with Mr. Non-Divorced Non-Drinker or Mr. Sprite.  It was all in all a pretty good date.  He made me feel comfortable for the most part.  He was chatty but not overly so.  We laughed a lot about other dates we have had.  We seemed to have similar backgrounds and some similar interests.  He is definitely more artsy than I am.  Who am I kidding....everyone is more artsy than I am.  He's really into making music, photography, and graphic design.  These things are great.  I am just totally unable to do anything of them with any sort of success or enjoyment.


So where did the lie slip out?  I asked why he didn't drink.  He said, "I quit first of all and second, he couldn't if he wanted to as he was on some medicine to get his cholesterol under control." I think, personally, the "I quit" statement is a bit of a red flag as (to me) it indicates at some point there was a problem.  The cholesterol issue...my mom and brother are cholesterol drugs and they still drink.  I've also never dated anyone, knowingly, that had what I consider "older people issues".  I guess these are things you get used to in dating the 40 plus set, but I digress.


He asked, "Is this a problem for you?"  This is when the lie slipped out because I said, "No, given your personality and approach, it's not a problem."  It wasn't a TOTAL lie as Mr. Sprite's personality was not condescending and negative like the Water Guy.  He was totally ok with me drinking.  The lie is it is a problem.  I hate that it is and I wish deep down I didn't feel that way.  But here's why I do: 

1. What if I get wasted, he won't be and will remember all of the idiotic things I do perfectly.  ICK!  I take great comfort in that on most occasions my friends/family end up drinking as much as I do so we both do some stupid shit and can all laugh later together.
2. Making out in bars (yes, I am TOO old to do this but I want the option).  Making out with a sober someone isn't very likely to happen.  I don't really mean full fledge getting it on but stealing kisses, flirting, and so on.  I guess I drink on some level to reduce inhibitions...sue me.
3. My family likes to drink (this is looking way far ahead and unrealistic, I know).  If I brought someone home who didn't partake, they would think I should go to the looney bin and he should already be there.  My friends fall in this category too.  Again, ridiculous, if someone is making a "healthy" choice, it shouldn't be a problem
4. Word vomit - We all know I like I ramble and talk a fair amount.  I would always feel like I'm censoring myself on some level if he was sober.  Some of shit I say doesn't make sense when I've had too many cocktails, but generally, other drunk people understand.  Yes, this is stupid, again sue me.
5. Crazy drunk sex.  You can't have this with a sober partner.

So, none of my reasons are very good...I'm willing to admit that.  However, it's still an issue. What makes this even more ironic is that I didn't drink until college.  I was totally content being stone cold sober in high school while all of my friends and boyfriends were wasted.  They didn't have a problem with me; so why do I have problem in the reverse?  Don't know.

Mr. Sprite also seemed to be a little too willing to talk about feelings on a first date.  There was a little too much information about his recent separation which I appreciate but.....  I certainly don't want a non-emotional man but don't want an overly emotional man either.  Hello, I am the girl.   Guess, the word vomit wouldn't be that much of an issue.  Now that's I've talked in circles, I'll end with a quote:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day”

How the Family factors into the equation

So, we all have family issues of one sort or another.  We love our families; we hate our families, but regardless, they are ours and we are stuck with them.  Fortunately, for me, my family is all and all pretty great.  We all like to have to a good time, we vacation together, we drink together. We tend to drink a lot together.  This is not to say all we do is drink...we talk a lot too.  They tend to go very well together at least I think.


What happens when a potential partners' family is a bunch of teetotallers?  In a similar vein as in my post, I Don't Drink - The Water Guy, I feel a little funny about dating someone whose family doesn't drink even when they drink.  I have never had the experience of dating someone seriously whom didn't drink or whose family didn't imbibe.  How do you break the ice at the first meeting if you can't have cocktails?  I am capable of carrying on conversation without booze, but if socializing is involved, I prefer for there to be drinks.


On some level, I think it is absurd to actually question wanting to get serious with someone just because their family doesn't drink, but I do.  I can't imagine spending holidays with a family sober.  What's the fun in that?  Also, the judging factor.  Most people that don't generally drink tend to be very religious and tend to think that those that do drink are less than, bad, from the devil, etc.   While I'm not anti-religious, organized religion is not particularly for me especially due to the judging nature characteristic of some religions.  


Spending a large portion of my life (this is obviously looking very far into the future) being judged because I drink and not being able to imbibe when with said future family is very unappealing.  A little less into the future, I think about wedding festivities: one side wasted; the other side sober watching and judging.  Not to mention, what if the sober side requested a dry wedding???  Ahhh--that's my own personal version of hell as well as my family's.  


Question--is it possible to date someone with a teetotalling family, remain sane, and have everyone get along?