There is no "I" in "We"

I've been pondering a lot lately about relationships, dating, etc but mostly about the relationship part.  Yes, this is a big fat duh considering I blog about these things, but something has struck me recently.  I used to be the girl that always had a boyfriend and a serious one at that.  My first serious boyfriend was in high school.  We tried to make it work in college.  That obviously didn't work, but I already had someone lined up (yes, I was and/or maybe still am that girl).  College guy #1 was an emotional wreck as was I but he also hurt me and yes, I mean physically.  Fortunately, I was smart enough to walk away before anything really serious happened.  And again, another boyfriend appeared within weeks and we dated until after college when he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday.  I again had someone lined up to take his place and 3 weeks after the "birthday" break up, we were serious.  I even thought we would get married....we lived together and got along very well except in the bedroom.  But that's another story for another time.  Then, I moved home to North Carolina to go to grad school.


The point is I was almost always part of a "we" from the time I was 16 until I was 26.  During in the short period of times I was unattached in between those relationships, I dated (loosely used) and actually liked it.  I really liked meeting new people and having some random one nights stands.  I even liked it when I started doing online dating back in 2006.  Sure, it can be nerve wracking to meet a stranger and see what happens.  It's obviously NOT fun when the guys are douches most notably: The Water Guy and the Anti-Southerner.  But there have been some good dates; there, however, have been no boyfriends or engagements.  Which is ok--I'm not going to kill myself if I'm not married within the next year.  What the problem is is that I have forgotten totally forgotten how to even think of myself in a relationship or how to even react/consider the possibility.  I have gone into super selfish mode due to the lack of having to consider anyone at all in my decision making...other than my precious cocker, Fabian.  I don't even really consider the possibility of the dates I go on going anywhere or think about if they'll be a next date.  Normally, I've already scheduled dates for 2 weeks out so even if I met Mr. Wonderful and he wanted to spend the next several nights together it would take serious rearranging.  Not trying to brag--it actually shows an inability to connect emotionally or that I'm extraordinarily picky.  I wonder if subconsciously I've started to consider the dating game solely a numbers game.  The whole you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find the prince mentality.  I'm not particularly sure how to get out of this rut and mentality.  I thought writing would help me process, but alas I'm still lost.