Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Thoughts, stories, and the hilarity involved in dating

Most hilarious of all is that most of the stories come from the online dating sphere which adds a certain unexpected element...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Sneak Attacker

What happens when you date a virgin?  Although I'm not a virgin, I try not to discriminate against those that choose to remain a virgin until they get married.  Granted, I have run into very, very few of these type men.  Ok, let's be honest-I've only known one.  

At an event my family and I attend every year, I started to hear rumors that a certain someone was interested in me.  Of course, as a girl, I got pretty excited.  It's always flattering to hear that someone "likes" you.  It goes back to the check yes or no notes from elementary school.  My friends, however, warn me that he is a virgin.  I think, well maybe that will take some of the edge off the relationship.  Plus, there are other ways to play.  We start hanging out that week, hook up, and get along really well.  We don't live in the same city but in the same state and we exchange numbers.  

A couple of days after I get home, he calls.  Yippee!  We continue with nightly chats and then plan a weekend for me to come and visit.  I go and we have a great time.  In fact, he's so thoughtful, he gets tickets to a Christmas play.  Fast forward a couple of weeks and he comes and visits in my hometown and we go camping.  Again, a GREAT time!  Then, I go back to visit him.  Stay with me--there is a punch line.  During all these visits, we've hooked up but no sex which I'm fine with believe or not.  I've gotten my rocks off and so has he.  I think, well maybe this isn't so bad.  

It's Sunday afternoon of the visit and we're making out.  Pants come off and while, of course, I'm secretly wishing let's end this celibacy thing, I keep playing along.  Then I get the surprise of a life time especially at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  He is trying to poke me in the ass.  WHAT!  I jump back 5 feet and start to ramble and get word womit, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy.  What do you think you're doing? Maybe if it was 3am and I was wasted that could happen but not sober at 3pm.  And wait, wait, wait, I thought you were a virgin."  He replies he is a virgin.  I say, but you just tried to have anal sex with me????????  He then states that he is saving himself for his wife and giving his virginity to her on their wedding night as his special gift.  I think you actually think that fucking someone up the butt is saving oneself for marriage.  Huh? What?  

At this point, the mood is obviously ruined so I dress, pack, and get on the road.  I drive home still wondering how one can consider anal sex not real sex.  Plus, I'm pretty sure that most women would consider a man having a bunch of ass sex NOT A VIRGIN.  I'm also feeling slightly traumatized by having my butt almost sneak attacked.  

Our relationship had gone really well until the sneak attack.  Then, the phone calls stopped.  Of course, I ask/tell all of my friends about this curious episode and they agree what man thinks you can fuck an ass and still be a virgin.  It also becomes their most favorite of all of my stories.

Fast forward to the next year at the same annual event that we both attend every year...he tries to kiss my friend.  She says, "Whoa buddy, you hooked up with my best friend."  He states, "Yea, but she moved to fast for me."  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How in the hell could I have moved too fast when you tried to poke me in the ass?


  1. Actually, this has become a wildy held belief amongst the "True Love Can Wait" people. The did a study a few years back that showed that the STD rate in the TLCW circles was equal to or even slightly higher than the general population.

    The reason for this: they are more likely to have unprotected oral/anal sex.

    So, while this defies logic and common sense, there is a whole segment of society that delludes themselves this way.

    BTW, sorry about the sneak attack. Nothing should go into anyone elses ass without prior warning. ;-)

  2. bahahaha! I thought only teenagers believed that.


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