Fortunately for me, my mother is not like most Southern mothers at least in terms of appropriate age for marriage. Some of my friends in NC got married fairly young (i.e. 22-23); others waited until 28/29. Then, there are the few and the proud that are still single--obviously including yours truly. My mother has never said or implied that I should already be married or asked why I'm an aging spinster. Thank goodness. This, however, is not the case for many women both in the South and outside its confines. So while I am grateful my mother is not one of those mothers harping on and on about marriage and grand babies, I still definitely feel some sort of pressure about why I'm not married yet. And it sucks. I am still a complete and normal person even though I don't have a wedding ring or 3 kids in tow. I just haven't found my Mr. Wonderful yet.
What does get interesting is talking to my mom about dating and this has been the case since I was a child. The mantra I have heard my entire life is: You can marry a rich man as easily as you can marry a poor one. Followed by dad saying, "I will be checking out your future fiancee's financial statements prior to condoning/approving/accepting the engagement." Now, some of this is in jest, but we all know behind all jokes is an element of truth. My parents truly do only want me to marry someone that is financially well off. As a rebellious teen, I thought this was the most absurd desire in the world. I also thought that love conquers all and other romantic notions. As I approach 30, I have come to realize that a financially attractive person is almost an important personality, humor, and the like. I hate myself for admitting this, but there is truth in numbers. We all know over 50% of marriages end in divorce; the reason behind many of those divorces is money. So why set myself up for failure, if I can avoid it? Not to mention, I've waited this long...
In discussing my dating situation with my mother (and to be honest, lamenting), she bizarrely asks me, "Are you dressing appropriately for your dates?" Clearly, it has to be my fault that out of the hundreds of dates I've gone on, no one has stuck. I looked at her and said, "What?" She repeated, "Your clothes on dates?" I said, "Mom, are you serious??! I dress like any other 20/30 something going out to dinner or on a date. It is not my freaking clothes." What upset me more was the sideways glance I got as if she didn't believe me! I do not wear freaky teaky clothes on dates but I also don't wear a St. John's suit. Neither do I think is appropriate for a first date. Most of the time, it's either a nice top and jeans with heels or a dress. Neither terribly revealing but I don't look like a nun either. A girl's gotta have a little sex appeal, come on. Still can't get over being asked about my attire...
Through a strange series of events, I am back to *living* with my parents, so you better believe they insert their opinions about my dating selections and clothing choices as well.
ReplyDeleteNow that my 7-year-older brother had his kids, the pressure is off me to produce grandchildren, but now I have the strong hope from everyone in my family and most of my friends that I finally find an amazing guy who treats me like the amazing gal I am who I can share the rest of my life with. No pressure though. :)
There's nothing wrong at all with looking for someone who is financially responsible, just as there's nothing wrong with looking for someone who is loyal, dependable and has self-love.
In my case, I will *never* get Mom to agree with my clothing choices all the time. But sometimes I wonder if there's some truth to wanting to look a little more sophisticated and sexy than young and too casually hip...