When Business Gets Personal

I've fallen off the grid for a couple of weeks.  I've been super busy with work and was at a trade show in DC showcasing real estate in the South for most of last week and all of last weekend.  I was at the trade show with my Dad, so obviously not much dating was going on.  Assuming we get sales from the trade show, it was a successful trip.  I met some interesting people particularly a group that was selling mountain homes in NC.  About 8 of us ended up going to dinner on Saturday night--6 men and 2 women including myself and my dad.  


One of the men was about 350 lbs. and took an interest in me.  About half way through dinner, he said he'd like to chat with me for a moment...not sure why I said yes but I did.  We went to the bar and he then stated we were going to take a shot.  I don't take shots--I usually end up throwing up on the bar.  Not sure why this is and it has nothing to do with the amount of booze I've consumed.  If I've had 1 drink, I throw up; if I've had 15 drinks, I throw up.  I mention to him I don't do shots but thanks.  He continues to press and keeps asking what I want to which I reply nothing.  He gets the bartender to make something and then hands it to me...I take 1 sip and put the rest back.  It tastes like sweet cough syrup--YUCK!  He's also surprised when I don't take it and I state again like I said before, I don't do them.  We walk back to the table and continue dinner.  


The show the next day was particularly slow so I ended up chatting with another guy that was at dinner the previous night.  He was nice, 45, and just getting through a divorce which his boss was quick to point out.  He said he had a lead for me and would call later in the week to give me the details.  So he called yesterday and gave me the lead.  He then said, "I have another unrelated question." Ok...and then he asks me to dinner and says he'll drive down from Lenoir which is about an hour north of where I live in Charlotte.  I say yes as a gut reaction in not wanting  hurt someone's feeling.  This is the problem--he's got all white hair all over.  He is definitely not a young looking 45, but he is funny.  I also don't want to disturb the working relationship we have developed with this group.  


So, I tell my brother about this development and his reaction is exactly what I was expecting: you got to take one for the team and go on this date aka we might be able to get some sales from this.  This probably sounds a little harsh and a little ridiculous.  I sometimes wonder if I'm living way back in the day when families used their daughters to develop alliances and gain wealth.  Even more ridiculous is that I, even though I am from the 21st century, a) believe in taking one for the team b) am willing to do it.  It's almost unnatural the loyalty I feel to my family.  My dad's line when it comes to discussing my future marriage is "I have to see his financial statements first."  Guess, we'll see how it goes....

There is no "I" in "We"

I've been pondering a lot lately about relationships, dating, etc but mostly about the relationship part.  Yes, this is a big fat duh considering I blog about these things, but something has struck me recently.  I used to be the girl that always had a boyfriend and a serious one at that.  My first serious boyfriend was in high school.  We tried to make it work in college.  That obviously didn't work, but I already had someone lined up (yes, I was and/or maybe still am that girl).  College guy #1 was an emotional wreck as was I but he also hurt me and yes, I mean physically.  Fortunately, I was smart enough to walk away before anything really serious happened.  And again, another boyfriend appeared within weeks and we dated until after college when he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday.  I again had someone lined up to take his place and 3 weeks after the "birthday" break up, we were serious.  I even thought we would get married....we lived together and got along very well except in the bedroom.  But that's another story for another time.  Then, I moved home to North Carolina to go to grad school.


The point is I was almost always part of a "we" from the time I was 16 until I was 26.  During in the short period of times I was unattached in between those relationships, I dated (loosely used) and actually liked it.  I really liked meeting new people and having some random one nights stands.  I even liked it when I started doing online dating back in 2006.  Sure, it can be nerve wracking to meet a stranger and see what happens.  It's obviously NOT fun when the guys are douches most notably: The Water Guy and the Anti-Southerner.  But there have been some good dates; there, however, have been no boyfriends or engagements.  Which is ok--I'm not going to kill myself if I'm not married within the next year.  What the problem is is that I have forgotten totally forgotten how to even think of myself in a relationship or how to even react/consider the possibility.  I have gone into super selfish mode due to the lack of having to consider anyone at all in my decision making...other than my precious cocker, Fabian.  I don't even really consider the possibility of the dates I go on going anywhere or think about if they'll be a next date.  Normally, I've already scheduled dates for 2 weeks out so even if I met Mr. Wonderful and he wanted to spend the next several nights together it would take serious rearranging.  Not trying to brag--it actually shows an inability to connect emotionally or that I'm extraordinarily picky.  I wonder if subconsciously I've started to consider the dating game solely a numbers game.  The whole you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find the prince mentality.  I'm not particularly sure how to get out of this rut and mentality.  I thought writing would help me process, but alas I'm still lost.

When They Come Back Around

I was seeing this guy, Mr. Tech, back in the Spring.  We had a good first date, a great 2nd date, and an amazing 3rd date.  The 2nd and 3rd date involved being introduced to his friends.  One would think things were going swimmingly.  His friends loved me--not trying to brag, I liked them too.  The 3rd date was a Saint Patty's Day Crawl.  We had a great time.  I didn't drink myself into oblivion which was a feat.  We ended up back at his house, lounged together, napped together, and made out some.  Unfortunately, my little friend was around, so it was pretty G rated.  The only awkwardness was I had to tell him as he tried to get into my pants.  Now, I'm not sure if my blurting out I was on the rag was what cause things to go sour, but how else do you let someone know?  Let them figure it out for themselves when they find the string--I think NOT!  


So the 3rd date lasted around 12 hours.  It was a great 12 hours.  We stole kisses at the bar and had a great time hanging out with his friends.  So what happened?  I texted him on actual Saint Patty's Day and got no response.  And never heard from him again....until TODAY.  He did "The Fade".  Things going well and then RADIO SILENCE.  I wasn't overly disappointed. I didn't think he was my soul mate but I enjoyed his company.  I am guilty of the fade...so I don't get too worked up when it happens to me.  However, when they randomly 6 months later contact you (ie wink at you) on Match.  What is the deal?  Did he get back with an old girlfriend, start talking to his ex-wife again, WTF??  Will keep you posted if he contacts me back.  I just had to send an email--more out of curiosity than anything.  Email was:


Subject:  How ya been stranger
Body:  Hope you had a good summer.
Lee


What's even funnier is that I've seen him randomly on Match but then his profile is hidden again.  How do I know he randomly reveals his profile, you might ask, he picked me as one of his "Favorites".  One minute he'll be listed and then later that day vanished.  Gotta love online dating!

A Whole Bunch of Women and a Nap

Consistently finding yourself in rooms full of women is probably not the best way to try and meet a man.  However, this is the situation I've been finding myself in a lot lately.  Between the Junior League, the Symphony Guild, and a Women's Retreat with my mom, I have been surrounded by large groups of women.  This is not to say that I don't enjoy spending girl time.  It's just it's been a bit much lately.  I'm more in need of the one on one type of connection or the let's get crazy and flirt some.  Fortunately, thanks to my WONDERFUL girlfriends, I will be experiencing both this coming weekend.  


Ironically, I joined the Junior League and Symphony Guild to expand my social circle and half-assed hoped I'd meet some new men.  However, men do not hang out in these type situations (Duh, I know).  I did think that with friends of friends, family members, whatever that it might be possible.  Most everyone, however, is already married and doesn't know any singles.  And I am NOT into breaking up marriages.  As pointed out by a younger friend of mine, even if your friends know people and even suggest that you should date them, it normally doesn't work out.  Why--usually an introduction isn't made.  This is NOT something I've experienced personally.


As for my dating life, I had 2 dates last week.  The first seemed full of potential.  We had a great phone conversation (I didn't want to get off the phone after an hour--this is unheard of), he loved sports, worked in sports, similar backgrounds.  He was fun to talk to--what a novel idea!  Then we met.  I know I probably sound like I'm starting to whine and/or my "list of requirements" is unreasonable and/or I'm just too picky. Whatever--his teeth were BUSTED.  I couldn't stop staring at them.  Plus, he clucked when he talked.  That did not occur on the phone, FYI.  So even though I was interested in what he was saying, I couldn't concentrate because of the shit going on in his mouth.  Plus, it's the 21st century; there is no excuse for bad teeth.  NEXT!


The second was similar in terms of we'd talked on the phone and it went really well.  The date went really well too despite some of my own shortcomings....I've been swamped at work.  I'm trying to figure out 5 years of inventory crap and I'm NOT an accountant.  I'm swimming in spreadsheets and trying to compare figures all day every day.  Fine, work sucks.  Last Thursday, I come home from work around 530pm.  I sit down on the couch and next thing I know I wake up at 640pm.  I'm supposed to be at the restaurant at 7pm and it takes 15-20 minutes to get there.  I haven't re-applied makeup, changed, nothing, plus I'm feeling confused as I just woke up and it takes me 5 minutes to realize where I have to be.  I text him and say I'm running late--won't be there til 715pm.  He says fine, no problem.  I manage to pull myself together, look reasonably cute, and arrive at 710pm.  Yes, I am awesome and no, I didn't get a speeding ticket.  But when I arrive, I am discombobulated, numbers are still swimming in my head, and start babbling about work.  He is getting his Master's in Accounting, however, so he was interested in my non-sense about inventory.  Overall, the date went really well once I got it together and had a glass of wine.


At the end, he asked twice if I'd like for him to call again.  I said yes definitely.  Here's hoping there's a 2nd date with this one.  But after my lackluster initial performance, who knows?


Have another date Wednesday night....

When the lies slip out

It's not that I meant to lie; it just slipped out.  Last night, I had drinks with Mr. Non-Divorced Non-Drinker or Mr. Sprite.  It was all in all a pretty good date.  He made me feel comfortable for the most part.  He was chatty but not overly so.  We laughed a lot about other dates we have had.  We seemed to have similar backgrounds and some similar interests.  He is definitely more artsy than I am.  Who am I kidding....everyone is more artsy than I am.  He's really into making music, photography, and graphic design.  These things are great.  I am just totally unable to do anything of them with any sort of success or enjoyment.


So where did the lie slip out?  I asked why he didn't drink.  He said, "I quit first of all and second, he couldn't if he wanted to as he was on some medicine to get his cholesterol under control." I think, personally, the "I quit" statement is a bit of a red flag as (to me) it indicates at some point there was a problem.  The cholesterol issue...my mom and brother are cholesterol drugs and they still drink.  I've also never dated anyone, knowingly, that had what I consider "older people issues".  I guess these are things you get used to in dating the 40 plus set, but I digress.


He asked, "Is this a problem for you?"  This is when the lie slipped out because I said, "No, given your personality and approach, it's not a problem."  It wasn't a TOTAL lie as Mr. Sprite's personality was not condescending and negative like the Water Guy.  He was totally ok with me drinking.  The lie is it is a problem.  I hate that it is and I wish deep down I didn't feel that way.  But here's why I do: 

1. What if I get wasted, he won't be and will remember all of the idiotic things I do perfectly.  ICK!  I take great comfort in that on most occasions my friends/family end up drinking as much as I do so we both do some stupid shit and can all laugh later together.
2. Making out in bars (yes, I am TOO old to do this but I want the option).  Making out with a sober someone isn't very likely to happen.  I don't really mean full fledge getting it on but stealing kisses, flirting, and so on.  I guess I drink on some level to reduce inhibitions...sue me.
3. My family likes to drink (this is looking way far ahead and unrealistic, I know).  If I brought someone home who didn't partake, they would think I should go to the looney bin and he should already be there.  My friends fall in this category too.  Again, ridiculous, if someone is making a "healthy" choice, it shouldn't be a problem
4. Word vomit - We all know I like I ramble and talk a fair amount.  I would always feel like I'm censoring myself on some level if he was sober.  Some of shit I say doesn't make sense when I've had too many cocktails, but generally, other drunk people understand.  Yes, this is stupid, again sue me.
5. Crazy drunk sex.  You can't have this with a sober partner.

So, none of my reasons are very good...I'm willing to admit that.  However, it's still an issue. What makes this even more ironic is that I didn't drink until college.  I was totally content being stone cold sober in high school while all of my friends and boyfriends were wasted.  They didn't have a problem with me; so why do I have problem in the reverse?  Don't know.

Mr. Sprite also seemed to be a little too willing to talk about feelings on a first date.  There was a little too much information about his recent separation which I appreciate but.....  I certainly don't want a non-emotional man but don't want an overly emotional man either.  Hello, I am the girl.   Guess, the word vomit wouldn't be that much of an issue.  Now that's I've talked in circles, I'll end with a quote:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day”