Last night, I went out with Mr. Man. We met at a small pub that was semi-crowded and we talked and talked. He's a native Charlottean (big points), is handy and can build things (love this), drives a truck (yes, I'm shallow but I love a big truck), and can carry on an intelligent conversation. He lived in San Fran for a while and decided to come home because he missed his family and good old fashioned Southern hospitality. This strikes a serious chord with me. It is so nice to not have to explain why NC is wonderful and why I love it here. It's also super to not be considered a hick and backward for feeling that way.
Part of what made the conversation interesting was that he was interesting. His life has definitely not been a linear, ordinary series of steps. There have been several curve balls thrown into the mix. He didn't go to college right after high school and in the process got a girl pregnant. So, he has a 15 year old son. He played pro-racquetball and that led to a full ride at college to play. Unfortunately, a serious injury cut that short which led him to San Fran. When he moved back to the South, he moved to Myrtle Beach and ended up getting married. That ended in divorce when they moved back to Charlotte. He and his father have been running a remodeling company (hence, the ability to build/make things) and during that started a vineyard. He's entrepreneurial. This is so hot!
It probably doesn't sound terribly fascinating to read the run down, but during the date, there were stories interspersed within the facts. And I am a sucker for a story. Everyone that I've dated has been a story teller and not the lying kind. I've enjoyed listening to people spin tales for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I used to make my mom tell me over and over the story of my old dad, her, and I road tripping it to Maine and camping along the way. I was 9 months old during this adventure. We slept in campgrounds in our bright orange International Scout. After the first night of me taking over the "bed" in the back. They arranged a pallet for me in the front seat. One night, my mom got sick and was running to bathroom; my dad got up to check on me and I was gone...he screamed for my mom but there was more pressing matters for her. However, he could hear me crying. After searching, he found me lodged under the brake and the clutch in the driver floorboard. I still make my mom tell me this story to this day. Random side note...sorry...
Back to the date, he walked me to my car and we kissed. Then, the kissing got a little heavier; then, I was up against the car making out. I was parked next to the service elevator exit...so several times there were people that popped out and got a full view of us making out against the car. We got a few comments and snickers. Here comes even more white trash....he gets into the car and well, it was high school all over again. PG make out was on full force in the car and it was great! I'll spare you the details but we went to 2nd base. Not classy and probably a guarantee I won't get a 2nd date, but it was fun. At least, I didn't go all the way in the car!
The really great part was I felt like I got my mojo back. I've previously talked about losing it in As I Approach 30. Yes, I've "gotten some" since I wrote that, but there's just something about making out like a horny teenager that felt awesome. So we'll see if my faux pas means I don't get a second date or not...
On another note, isn't there something ironic about him having a 15 year old and then him making out in a car like a 15 year old...that gave me a giggle...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
From Even Further Away
That's right y'all! I got favorited on Okcupid.com by a guy from Greece! After my New to NOLA...but I live in Charlotte post, I just had to post this. This guy favorited me from over 5000 miles away~he's 25 too. Talk about the definition of a long-distance relationship. Again, I'll reiterate that all of my online profiles explicitly state: "I'm also not looking for a pen pal. It seems like a lot of times conversations on here end up in email or text purgatory."
The Alone Part of Being Single
Obviously in being single, one can tend to spend a significant portion of time alone. This is particularly the case when one lives alone as I do. I'm not a hermit by any means. I date a fair amount and go out with friends, but there are many evenings that consist of just me, myself, and I plus my cute pup, Fabes. I was raised as an only child and typically the alone factor isn't a big deal. I've perfected the ability to entertain myself and, at times, crave solitude. These cravings generally come after people filled weekends/time periods.
There are times, however, when "the alone factor" sucks:
-Dinner time-I hate cooking for one and tend to avoid doing it. There is simply no joy (for me at least) in preparing and eating at home by myself. This leads to lots of eating out which can get expensive and isn't quite as healthy (given where I live) as I would like.
-I typically don't mind eating out alone and got pretty good at it after living in China on my own....Except when your waitress looks at you with pity and says, "Can I get you a newspaper or something?"
SIDE BAR- I hate when I take myself out to eat and the food (specifically in this instance, spaghetti carbonara) that I make is better than the restaurant's. Grrrr...but I hate cooking for one!
-When your mom poignantly asks, "You're going to the mountains alone for the night...by yourself?" Yes, mom, we are in the 21st century and I can travel alone. Yes, mom, don't you remember I moved to China twice by myself...so why is driving an hour and a half to the mountains by myself weird? Last time, I checked mountain folk speak English and it's close--not nearly as strange as moving to China without a job, apartment, pretty much anything except my suitcase. That didn't freak her out but going hiking and wandering in the NC mountains with my dog is somehow not alright.
I'm 30 without a boyfriend or husband that means if I want to do something either I do it alone or I find a friend. Finding a friend, however, is easier said than done--no offense to my dear, dear friends that live close and read this. I realize they have their own lives and plans that don't always coincide with my whims. So in being single, you sometimes have 2 options: 1) stay at home and do nothing (yuck!) 2) go out and do it by yourself. I normally choose the latter unless I'm being lazy...I do love my couch. I'd so much rather do stuff even if it is by myself than end up being a hermit and waiting for someone to ask me to do something or hoping that I can find a friend.
There are times, however, when "the alone factor" sucks:
-Dinner time-I hate cooking for one and tend to avoid doing it. There is simply no joy (for me at least) in preparing and eating at home by myself. This leads to lots of eating out which can get expensive and isn't quite as healthy (given where I live) as I would like.
-I typically don't mind eating out alone and got pretty good at it after living in China on my own....Except when your waitress looks at you with pity and says, "Can I get you a newspaper or something?"
SIDE BAR- I hate when I take myself out to eat and the food (specifically in this instance, spaghetti carbonara) that I make is better than the restaurant's. Grrrr...but I hate cooking for one!
-When your mom poignantly asks, "You're going to the mountains alone for the night...by yourself?" Yes, mom, we are in the 21st century and I can travel alone. Yes, mom, don't you remember I moved to China twice by myself...so why is driving an hour and a half to the mountains by myself weird? Last time, I checked mountain folk speak English and it's close--not nearly as strange as moving to China without a job, apartment, pretty much anything except my suitcase. That didn't freak her out but going hiking and wandering in the NC mountains with my dog is somehow not alright.
I'm 30 without a boyfriend or husband that means if I want to do something either I do it alone or I find a friend. Finding a friend, however, is easier said than done--no offense to my dear, dear friends that live close and read this. I realize they have their own lives and plans that don't always coincide with my whims. So in being single, you sometimes have 2 options: 1) stay at home and do nothing (yuck!) 2) go out and do it by yourself. I normally choose the latter unless I'm being lazy...I do love my couch. I'd so much rather do stuff even if it is by myself than end up being a hermit and waiting for someone to ask me to do something or hoping that I can find a friend.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The What-ifs
Last night, I attended a networking event for my pseudo-high school. I say pseudo because I only attended boarding school for 1 year and it was an awful year. Looking back and after the event, I sometimes wonder if I should have completed high school there. One might ask if it was so awful, why am I wondering about the "what if"? Not to sound hoity-toity, but it's a very impressive school in New England--presidents have gone there, people that cure cancer have gone there, people that have started big time relief organizations have gone there.
So why was it awful? I am a born and bred North Carolinian and moving to New England was SERIOUS culture shock. I was 15, awkward, depressed, and (again) dealing with this seriously different culture. Plus, in 95/96, New England had one of the worst winters it had ever seen. Needless to say, being from NC, I don't do feet upon feet of snow very well. I could NOT understand why I was forced to go to class when there were 25 foot snow drifts all over campus...not to mention the foot or two of snow I had to wade through to get to class. The irony--I chose to go to boarding school.
It started with the summer before 9th grade. I went to a boarding school in Switzerland for the summer between 8th and 9th grade to learn French. It was amazing--the school was on Lake Lugano, in between Italy and Switzerland.
Not so bad, huh? I returned to the US after the experience even more depressed with my 14 year old life. Plus, I met this amazing 19 year old half Italian man that was hot who told me if I was older, he would wisk me away (ahhh, the men of our youth). So, I announced to my parents that fall/winter that I was moving back to Lugano to go to high school and they said, "Yea, right." Persistence has been the blessing and bane of my existence. I began to research and thought, ok, if I can't go to Switzerland, I'll find another boarding school with Chinese (this has been my passion since I was 10). I found the only school, at the time, that offered Chinese on the East Coast. I applied and got in--I can be a smarty pants after all ;)
In the fall of 95, we drove to New England and as we got on campus, I lost all my steam and started shitting my pants. What had a I done! Between many pints of ice cream, lots of junk food, and buying a CD a day, I got through the year. In the words of my mother, I had signed a contract and was going to complete what I had started--you are not a quitter.
So why am I rambling about something that happened 15 years ago...it just got me to thinking. Would I be better off if I had completed high school there? Would I have done more, accomplished more, and be more influential now? Those thoughts, of course, led to thoughts of what if other things had turned out differently:
What if I had married College BF #2 (of course, impossible as he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday)
What if I had married BF post-college and not moved back to NC
What if I had gone to UNC like a good little Carolina girl
What if I had moved to China after college and taught English
What if I had married the Colonel
What if I had married High School BF
What if, what if, what if....
Ok, enough what ifs, I truly have no regrets and have led in some ways an AMAZING life. I have always followed my heart and my passions even if its taken some ass backward ways like living in a farm house in the middle of BFE North Carolina. It's just curious sometimes to wonder and ponder...
As a side note, did you notice that almost all of the what ifs had to do with marriage/men? How utterly stupid and telling of a single 30-something...blah.
So why was it awful? I am a born and bred North Carolinian and moving to New England was SERIOUS culture shock. I was 15, awkward, depressed, and (again) dealing with this seriously different culture. Plus, in 95/96, New England had one of the worst winters it had ever seen. Needless to say, being from NC, I don't do feet upon feet of snow very well. I could NOT understand why I was forced to go to class when there were 25 foot snow drifts all over campus...not to mention the foot or two of snow I had to wade through to get to class. The irony--I chose to go to boarding school.
It started with the summer before 9th grade. I went to a boarding school in Switzerland for the summer between 8th and 9th grade to learn French. It was amazing--the school was on Lake Lugano, in between Italy and Switzerland.
Not so bad, huh? I returned to the US after the experience even more depressed with my 14 year old life. Plus, I met this amazing 19 year old half Italian man that was hot who told me if I was older, he would wisk me away (ahhh, the men of our youth). So, I announced to my parents that fall/winter that I was moving back to Lugano to go to high school and they said, "Yea, right." Persistence has been the blessing and bane of my existence. I began to research and thought, ok, if I can't go to Switzerland, I'll find another boarding school with Chinese (this has been my passion since I was 10). I found the only school, at the time, that offered Chinese on the East Coast. I applied and got in--I can be a smarty pants after all ;)
In the fall of 95, we drove to New England and as we got on campus, I lost all my steam and started shitting my pants. What had a I done! Between many pints of ice cream, lots of junk food, and buying a CD a day, I got through the year. In the words of my mother, I had signed a contract and was going to complete what I had started--you are not a quitter.
So why am I rambling about something that happened 15 years ago...it just got me to thinking. Would I be better off if I had completed high school there? Would I have done more, accomplished more, and be more influential now? Those thoughts, of course, led to thoughts of what if other things had turned out differently:
What if I had married College BF #2 (of course, impossible as he broke up with me on my 22nd birthday)
What if I had married BF post-college and not moved back to NC
What if I had gone to UNC like a good little Carolina girl
What if I had moved to China after college and taught English
What if I had married the Colonel
What if I had married High School BF
What if, what if, what if....
Ok, enough what ifs, I truly have no regrets and have led in some ways an AMAZING life. I have always followed my heart and my passions even if its taken some ass backward ways like living in a farm house in the middle of BFE North Carolina. It's just curious sometimes to wonder and ponder...
As a side note, did you notice that almost all of the what ifs had to do with marriage/men? How utterly stupid and telling of a single 30-something...blah.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
New to NOLA but I live in Charlotte?
Funny thing, I live in Charlotte...so why is he contacting me and writing such a lengthy email when he lives in New Orleans??? Never been a fan of long distance relationships in general, but starting one as long distance just seems absurd. Eharmony, it has always seemed to me to be a proponent of long distance and moving/traveling great distances to find the person that meets their 27 dimensions of compatibility. I think this, personally, is (albeit perhaps possible to find love) kind of unsafe. There aren't enough emails, phone calls, or Skype calls that can give you utter assurance that whom you will meet will be normal and not scary. Of course, all online dates are this way. There is always an element of "shit, am I going to be meeting a stalker/rapist/killer" when I go out on any online date. If I immediately get his feeling from emails/calls, I, obviously, don't go.
What's more strange is that since I've turned 30, I've received more winks, been viewed by, and gotten emails from people that do not live in the Charlotte or even NC area. Does the fact that I've reached the "about to be a spinster" age mean that all of a sudden I am so desperate I will take on a long distance relationship just for a remote feel of having a boyfriend? I don't think so. I want someone who is real, whom I can touch, whom is there to snuggle with, go out with, stay home with; I do not want a pen pal. So--do I even respond to this guy and ask why did you contact me, I live in Charlotte?
What's more strange is that since I've turned 30, I've received more winks, been viewed by, and gotten emails from people that do not live in the Charlotte or even NC area. Does the fact that I've reached the "about to be a spinster" age mean that all of a sudden I am so desperate I will take on a long distance relationship just for a remote feel of having a boyfriend? I don't think so. I want someone who is real, whom I can touch, whom is there to snuggle with, go out with, stay home with; I do not want a pen pal. So--do I even respond to this guy and ask why did you contact me, I live in Charlotte?
Match.com Message: New to NOLA
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