The Single Parent/Kid Factor

I've been MIA again but between my anxiety about hearing about a new job and the toothless fools that have been winking at me on Match, there just hasn't been much to say.  I still don't have news about the job except that I am their chosen candidate and the new department head that was just hired wants to meet with me prior to them extending an offer.  He can't meet until November 8th!!  My stomach has been in knots and I've been pacing a lot lately.  So, I continue my wait.  This, in turn, means that I can't do anything in terms of (finally) getting my own place, getting some new furniture (YAY!), and really (again) starting my adult life.  Of course, this is all I've been obsessing about for now 2 weeks.  I can't sleep because I literally dream of having my pseudo-adult life back.  I say pseudo because some would say that being 30 and not being married, not owning a home, and not having kids is only kind of being an adult or maybe that's what the voices in my head are telling me.  


As for the toothless fools that have been contacting me, well, they aren't all toothless but they sure are ugly.  Something about turning 30 on Match has drastically reduced the number of attractive men that contact me and subsequently the number of dates I am going on.  I have started talking to Mr. Dad.  He's 34 with 2 children whom are 4 and 8.  The thought of actually going on a date with this man scares me.  My over-analytical mind immediately goes into I am not old enough to be a stepmom.  Of course, this is not true especially in the society in which we live.  I have not, as of yet, dated anyone that has children.  Of course, as I get older, eventually it will likely happen that I do.  What's even more ironic is that my family is a culmination of many marriages with lots of kids from the previous marriages.  In fact, because I only want 1 little girl but want her to still have brothers and sisters (like me), it would seem logical that dating single parents would be a great answer.  I still have weird feelings about the "step" factor...you know the evil stepmother thing.  Not to mention, my experience with a step-parent has been interesting to say the least.  


The other interesting thing about Mr. Dad...he asked if we could be Facebook friends after chatting on the phone once.  AHHHH!  I hate being friends with dates on Facebook and not because I post anything particularly revealing.  It's typically just bad form and can lead to stupid stalking and reveals part of myself that I'm not quite ready to reveal.  I friended him too, but set the privacy settings so he only access to certain parts.  Guess we'll see how it goes.  We are supposed to chat about getting together next week assuming he doesn't back out because of what he sees on FB.  FML.

Need some Physical Attraction

So obviously, I've been on a dating binge the past few weeks--4 dates in 2 weeks.  The problem with most of these dates--no physical attraction.  I'm not looking for a Brad Pitt look a like, but I need to at least feel some sort of weakness in the knees.  There has to be something that sparks that "want" to be touched.  I haven't gotten that in a while.  Maybe this is a function of growing up.  I used to walk in a bar 5 years ago and find at least 5 people I could have envisioned having more than a little fun with.  And sometimes, I acted on it--ok pretty often acted on it.  I haven't experienced this of late at all.  I mention this low sex drive in As I Approach 30.   I hate it.


This reaction indicates there wasn't any red hot action resulting from Mr. Business aka the 45 year old white haired man or anyone else.  Sorry to disappoint--I was hoping for a juicy posting too.  The problem--we had a great conversation.  It was actually a pleasurable outing--just minus the physical attraction.


Something else interesting happened on my date this past Saturday afternoon with Mr. Ole Miss.  I was called a communist.  Now, I will admit I am very pro-China (yes, this makes some people nervous), but I am not pro-communist.  Not everyone is created equal.  Everyone has there own talents in which they excel and should be justly compensated for said talents.  I do think that China's ability to direct funding in certain industries with high growth potential is a sound practice.  The free market is not able to "decide" on its own what will ultimately result in the most growth/prosperity--it needs helps.  (I explained all this to him too, FYI.) Anyway, I digress.  Mr. Ole Miss was very attractive and I actually felt some weakness, but it ended in a killjoy with him insulting me.  Funny enough, he actually complained about the small mindedness of people at Ole Miss...think he might have been complaining a little about himself.  


On another note,  it's interesting the number of "hits" I receive on Match and Okcupid have decreased exponentially since I turned 30.  Nothing about my profiles has changed--just my age.  That's a bit depressing.  I also think I might have tapped out the Charlotte market...when I go out on dates now, I usually see someone that I've previously been out with--this happened on Friday when I went out with Mr. Business.  Fortunately, there wasn't any weirdness per se; other than I looked at him and thought Shit, I  went out with you and I can't remember anything about it.  


Sorry about the political mumbo jumbo thrown in--just couldn't be avoided. Next!

Babies, Tears, and 2 "Talks in 1 Night"

So this past weekend, I had 2 dates, 2 volunteer events, and a Sunday full of helping my parents with stuff around our lake house.  All in all a very busy and productive weekend.  The date on Friday night was a second date with Mr. Controller.  We met at 8pm at a dueling piano bar on the lake and it was deserted when we arrived but the music was extremely loud.  We managed to have a good conversation despite the atmosphere and left around 1am.  He walked me to my car and we kissed but it was more of a peck--not exactly the kind of kiss that left you shaking in the knees.  I didn't want to make out in the parking lot obviously but some sort of feeling in it would have been nice.

Fast forward to Saturday night, I had another date with Mr. Non-Divorced Guy.  We went to a cute French restaurant, followed by drinks at a great Tavern, where we happened to bump into a friend of a friend, and another friend met us out.  Conversation, as always, was awesome.  We talked about the upcoming football game we are going to in November.  We even talked about my upcoming date with Mr. Business turns Personal and how ridiculous the situation is.  Then we start discussing how we both really want to take a month and do a cross country trip.  We both say we should do it together next year.  Still love the ability to have word vomit with him, but then it got the best of me....again.

That morning I'd volunteered with the Symphony in helping children at the Musical Petting Zoo and playing with percussion instruments.  The children were wonderful and it started the (usually way in the background longing) I have for a family, husband, and children.  It even made me misty eyed at one point.  I hoped this wouldn't rear its ugly head later on that day.

Well, it did.  After all the girls had left the bar, Mr. Non-Divorced and I started talking about my day and well, the tears started to flow.  Yes, I am an idiot, overly sensitive, and utterly ashamed that this weakness appeared.  I don't think it's particularly awful that I occasionally (or really very often) feel disappointment that I haven't married and had children yet.  They are my feelings after all and I have to own them.  So there, I said it.  I am thirty and really wish I was married and at least thinking about babies.  The utter cliche.  Whatever.  I am upset that it came out in front of Non-Divorced.

So, it's Monday night.  Non-Divorced called and I tell him about this interview I got for an International Marketing position that I'm super excited about! WOO HOO!!!!  Then he goes into how he wants to make sure we're on the same page and that he cares about me on some level and doesn't want to hurt me.  (That's good, right?) But he concerned about where I am given my tears on Saturday.  I state again for the 3rd or 4th time that's he not yet divorced and I fully understand the repercussions of that.  He babbles that we've had the talk about seeing others and it's ok with both of us which is true. Then he babbles about how he's embarrassed he brought it up and maybe he's overly sensitive, etc.  I also state again that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a family and children--that's part of me too.  The only thing I would request is that he not sleep with any of my best friends as my former best friend just moved in with my most recent ex.  He obliges to that request. Conversation ends.

Phone rings again.  It's Mr. Controller.  I tell him about the upcoming interview for the International Marketing position and that it's in Greensboro.  He's excited but then goes into how I shouldn't take him in account regarding my potential move and new position.  WHAT!!  We've had 2 dates.  He goes on to say he'd still like to remain friends of course but that he is still very much interested in me.  To which I reply, I don't think we really have to talk about this as the interview hasn't even happened, but he keeps reiterating that Greensboro isn't that far and he really wants to keep in touch.

How is it possible to have 2 of these conversations in one evening with 2 people that I'm not even serious with?  Again, I'm thoroughly confused.